39 Days ago I quit smoking cold turkey. In that same time I've managed to not gain any weight and have actually lost a few pounds. I've even toned my drinking back as well and I can feel that I'm much more aware of how I feel both when it's good and bad. So why isn't it enough for me? Why do the voices keep coming back to tell me I'm not doing enough; that I haven't really changed?
If you can't tell from the first paragraph I'm a little frustrated today. My day started with the stress of hearing my wife and oldest daughter arguing before I even got out of the shower and the day just got more stressful as it went on. It's these stressful days when the voices show up to tell me I'm a phony and that the change isn't real no matter how hard I try to "fool" myself that it is.
Maybe it's not real, maybe next week I'll stop blogging and just give up again like so many other times. Maybe the voices are right. But then again, maybe they are wrong. Maybe I'm doing the best I can and that's just going to have to be good enough. Maybe I'll find a way to deal with my stress. Maybe I'll stick it out for these 360 days.
No insightful stories today, just some honest truth about the thoughts going through my head. My kids are still fighting as I write and my wife is yelling at them as well, but I made it through the day without smoking, drinking, or going on a binge. Screw you voices, I'll fight you again tomorrow on Day #40.
Stay Strong!
Breathe, keep pushing and cut yourself a. Little slack. Onward!
ReplyDeleteWhen I have negative thoughts or negative voices I just say cancel cancel and focus on the positive like you did in the wrap up of your blog. You didn't smoke, drink or binge...that my friend is enough!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey, you know one of the things I learned when I hit my goal weight was that those voices were actually trying to point out that dropping weight or giving up smoking (I never smoked, but you said you did) may be healthy for you, but they don't change WHO you are. Is there something about you that you would change? It's working on the personal side that people forget when they're transforming the physical.
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that as you and I have both talked about, you are not doing a get where I am going as fast as I can journey, but working on slow change so it takes. When we are "ON!" we live off the adrenaline of the moment, that charge from succeeding and doing it in record time! When you are going as the tortoise rather than the hare, it is less sexy and less noticeable in the moment. Trust your instinct that slow is good, and that you are making changes friend. as for the daily stress, surrender to just being ok with it, focus on the chance to get your next workout or see your day end without having smoke, drank, or binged. Stress only gets the power we allow it to have. Great job focusing on the positive at the end, that is what it takes to succeed FD!
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