As I look back now I realize that it was more about me lying to myself so I wouldn’t have to admit that I had a problem. I refused to accept that I couldn’t lose weight, I refused to accept that my eating was out of control. I was only slightly overweight and all I needed was about 6 months of hard work to pull myself into shape. I could do it anytime because I had the mental fortitude to take on such a task and I was physically strong so I could keep my metabolism revved and lose the weight quickly.
I think I started to accept reality when I turned 40 (2 years ago). At close to 350 pounds I was morbidly obese. I could be any one of those contestants on “The Biggest Loser”. Over the last couple years I haven’t been able to do all the things I want. I’ve withdrawn more and more from life as I spend a lot of time hanging out on the couch watching TV. There have been some times in this past 2 years where I simply gave up and stopped trying to lose weight and stopped monitoring my progress.
This is my new reality… I could literally lose 150 pounds and still be at a healthy weight. My skin will never go all the way back. I don’t “carry” my weight well and there’s nothing special about me that makes me any better off than others of my size. I am morbidly obese!
Day 2 really had me thinking about just how big I am and how poor of shape I am in. I had another great day with my eating plan and with drinking water. Knowing that not smoking is taking a lot out of me I know that it would be extremely difficult to find the strength to exercise at the end of the day, so again today I went for a walk during my lunch hour. It snowed last night so walking outside wasn’t going to work, so I drove over to the mall and walked there.
It was a little uncomfortable for me to walk at the mall, but It was my only option. I walked 4 full laps around the mall which ended up being almost 3 miles in about 50 minutes! I’m proud that I walked again today even though it is what is reminding me about just how out of shape I am. After just 3 miles of walking my knees hurt, my back hurt, and my feet hurt. By the time I got back to my vehicle I could feel my fingers beginning to swell a little (not sure why).
By the time I got back to work I was beginning to feel stiff and sore everywhere… all from just a 3 mile walk at lunchtime. Indeed I still have a long way to go! Another plus, I was smoke free again today. All in all it was pretty good day. As predicted I was too wiped out when I got home to do anymore exercise so I’m glad I got it in during the day. I had to cook dinner so I made fajitas for the kids and then a fajita salad for me since I can’t have carbs today. Tomorrow is my first high carb day and I’m excited to have some fruit! 2 days in the books and 358 more to go!
-Stay Strong!
