I hat to say it, but this weekend is shaping up to be one of the most unhealthy weekends I've had in these last 54 days. I don't know if it's because I'm pushing to add focus to healthy eating on March 1 or what, but Friday night and then today have been less than stellar.
It's not like I'm doing anything differently; before I do something unhealthy I stop and think about it, but for some reason that hasn't been enough to get me to stop. My brain simply says "yes, we want to do this". I'm not going to go into all the details; the more I discuss, the more I start to dwell on it and also start to feel guilty. We all have peaks and valleys and today I was in a valley and fell into a pit!
The nice thing about my current journey is that it's one day at a time. Day 55 might have sucked, but I start fresh with Day 56 tomorrow.
Stay Strong!
Showing posts with label unhealthy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unhealthy. Show all posts
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Weight Loss Fear - Success??
I’m preparing myself for a huge transformation that will begin when I return from vacation on September 1. Unlike past experiences, I’m not just starting right out with the goal to lose as much weight as fast as possible. This time it’s different. This time I want to prepare myself. When you move to a new city, you don’t just show up one day, you prepare. You get your things in order, you make lists of things you need to do, you tell your friends, you get yourself mentally ready. That’s why I wrote myself a letter when I restarted my blog, I needed to acknowledge to myself that although I have failed, I have, indeed changed, and I needed to give myself permission to try again. It was my first signal to begin getting myself mentally ready for what will be an incredibly tough challenge.
Today is another step in my preparation; admitting to one of my biggest (and probably seen as craziest) fears.
Another well-known blogger asked me recently if I was excited to get started. I told him that it wasn’t excitement, but rather fear I’m feeling right now. To be honest I’m scared as hell about this. I stared into a mirror the other morning, and I couldn’t recognize the person I was seeing. I’ve been going through the motions for so long now that I don’t really feel anything anymore. I just get up, do the same thing everyday, and then go to bed. No excitement, no enthusiasm, nothing. While this might seems sad, keep in mind that it can also be quite comfortable; nothing really changes.
My fear isn’t about failing… that just means more of the same, familiar life. Besides, I’ve failed millions of times; it’s not like I don’t know how to handle it. No, my fear is around succeeding. It’s amazing when you spend a little time just thinking about “stuff”. Since high school I’ve been overweight. Throughout my entire life my “vision” of myself as a thin person was simply… me, but thinner. At the age of 42 I find myself astounded that I’ve never seriously considered that fact that I would also change as a person! Seriously, I’ve never even had a mental picture myself as happier person, or a more confident person, it was always just a one dimensional image, same person, just with less body. Laugh if you want, but it just never really dawned on me. Now don’t get me wrong I pictured myself mountain biking and going kayaking with friends. I had all those visions of doing things that fat people can’t really do, but I never really thought about who I would be as a person.
It’s this realization that really has hit me hard. Most people assume that losing weight will only change them in positive way. While it is true there are positive aspects of losing weight. What’s not a given is how you will change as a person. How will my relationships with my family change? My friends? What personality traits will disappear? What new personality traits will show up? What new habits will I pick up? What will I think about my career? There’s a lot that can change when you go through these transformations, and there’s no guarantee that they will all be positive.
Don’t get me wrong, when I say I’m scared it’s not a “run for the hills – I can’t do this” type of scared, it’s that fear of the unknown. It’s like walking into a pitch dark cave with your hands out in front of you. You don’t necessarily stop, but you are scared as hell about what your about to run into!
This is just something that I’ve never really thought about before; it’s not just your appearance that will change, it’s everything about you! I don’t know how I will change, I don’t know the answers to all those questions I listed above, I don’t even know if I will like the new me or not. However, I do know this: The one thing that would be worse would be to never find out! Wish me luck, I’m going into the cave.
Today is another step in my preparation; admitting to one of my biggest (and probably seen as craziest) fears.
Another well-known blogger asked me recently if I was excited to get started. I told him that it wasn’t excitement, but rather fear I’m feeling right now. To be honest I’m scared as hell about this. I stared into a mirror the other morning, and I couldn’t recognize the person I was seeing. I’ve been going through the motions for so long now that I don’t really feel anything anymore. I just get up, do the same thing everyday, and then go to bed. No excitement, no enthusiasm, nothing. While this might seems sad, keep in mind that it can also be quite comfortable; nothing really changes.
My fear isn’t about failing… that just means more of the same, familiar life. Besides, I’ve failed millions of times; it’s not like I don’t know how to handle it. No, my fear is around succeeding. It’s amazing when you spend a little time just thinking about “stuff”. Since high school I’ve been overweight. Throughout my entire life my “vision” of myself as a thin person was simply… me, but thinner. At the age of 42 I find myself astounded that I’ve never seriously considered that fact that I would also change as a person! Seriously, I’ve never even had a mental picture myself as happier person, or a more confident person, it was always just a one dimensional image, same person, just with less body. Laugh if you want, but it just never really dawned on me. Now don’t get me wrong I pictured myself mountain biking and going kayaking with friends. I had all those visions of doing things that fat people can’t really do, but I never really thought about who I would be as a person.
It’s this realization that really has hit me hard. Most people assume that losing weight will only change them in positive way. While it is true there are positive aspects of losing weight. What’s not a given is how you will change as a person. How will my relationships with my family change? My friends? What personality traits will disappear? What new personality traits will show up? What new habits will I pick up? What will I think about my career? There’s a lot that can change when you go through these transformations, and there’s no guarantee that they will all be positive.
Don’t get me wrong, when I say I’m scared it’s not a “run for the hills – I can’t do this” type of scared, it’s that fear of the unknown. It’s like walking into a pitch dark cave with your hands out in front of you. You don’t necessarily stop, but you are scared as hell about what your about to run into!
This is just something that I’ve never really thought about before; it’s not just your appearance that will change, it’s everything about you! I don’t know how I will change, I don’t know the answers to all those questions I listed above, I don’t even know if I will like the new me or not. However, I do know this: The one thing that would be worse would be to never find out! Wish me luck, I’m going into the cave.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
What Went Wrong?
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" - George Santayana
OK, so I have no intention of dwelling on the past, what’s done is done and I can’t go back. However, there is something to be said about understanding what went wrong and then learning from it. That is the point of this post; to evaluate my most recent failure and determine what adjustments I can make to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Failure #1 – Un-sustainable Path
Have you ever been in a triathlon? If you are reading my blog regularly, then probably not :) but I’m sure you’ll still follow the analogy. Triathlons are one of the most grueling endurance races out there. Many entrants never even finish; occasionally you will see highlights of people who literally just collapse… their bodies are done and they can’t move one more step forward. These people failed because they were on an unsustainable path, the pace they set for themselves was too much for their body to handle.
When I look back at my past posts, I see that I started at 297 in November 2009 and ended up at 270 by the end of March 2010. 27 Pounds in in 5 months doesn’t seem unsustainable, but if you look closer, I was at 288 at the start of March 2010. I lost 9 pounds in the first 4 months and then 18 in the last month.
When I did the 30 day challenge, my diet and exercise regimen became unsustainable. It became more important for me to win than it did to be healthy. By the time I was done with that challenge I was completely burned out emotionally. What you don’t see in the blog is that Big D. and I started a second challenge in April. We didn’t even finish because we were so burned out; we just both agreed to stop about 2 weeks in.
Failure #2 – Loss of Accountability
Why did I start blogging in the first place? I started blogging for several reasons, but one of them was to add some more accountability. I truly know quite a bit about losing weight (just not keeping it off), but you can’t write about weight loss if you’re not losing weight. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself (in the midst of being burned out from the 30 Day Challenge) that I was spending too much time blogging and not enough time focusing on losing weight. What a crock! Once I stopped writing it became easier and easier to cheat. In fact, after about a month, I stopped weighing in altogether. Not only did I lose the accountability from the blog, but then I started losing accountability to my family and friends, and eventually to myself.
Failure #3 – Failure to Stop the Backslide
If the unsustainable path was the first domino in my failure, then failing to stop the backslide was the last. The road to weight loss is never a straight line. Think about how many times you’ve said to yourself “If I can lose 2 pounds every week for a year I will have lost over 100 pounds!” Ever know anyone to do it that way? Plenty of people have lost 100 pounds in a year, but I can guarantee you no one did it by losing exactly 2 pounds per week. Weight loss has its ups and downs.
After I was burned out and after I stopped blogging, there was a time when I could see myself backsliding into the bad habits. Instead of choosing to get back on the wagon, I used my small failure as an excuse to keep on failing. Have you ever said to yourself “well I already cheated today and blew the entire week (on Tuesday), I might as well enjoy it and start fresh next week.”? That’s what I did, but weeks actually turned into months and eventually 2 years had passed.
Failure #4 – Forgetting Your Priorities
I ‘ve mentioned it a few times before, but my heaviest weight ever was 349. When I hit 349 it was still just me and Mrs. FogDog; the little tikes hadn’t shown up yet. At that time I vowed that I would make my health a high priority in my life. Then all this other stuff starts to happen to you; kids, career changes, moving, etc. Just a few months after I stopped blogging, I actually received a big promotion. It was a completely different kind of job than I had in the past and it involved managing others. I’ve been successful my entire career because when I get into something, I tend to bulldog it until I do it near perfectly. This job was no exception and the next thing you know I was working 60+ hour weeks and pretty much ignoring everything else around me except for my new job. That lasted for just about a year. With all this going on, I still had other commitments as well, so my health became the casualty. The results show, not only did my weight take off, but now I’m on blood pressure medication from all the stress at work.
Learning From Your Mistakes
As I said, I’m not going to dwell on the past, but I do intend to learn from it:
1. No more challenges, contests, or visions or “Biggest Loser” type weight loss numbers. Just stick to a sustainable plan that I can live with
2. Keep Blogging (Even if no one is reading) and keep holding myself accountable
3. Prepare for failure! Eventually I will have a backslide so I need to be prepared now. Once it happens, accept it, get back on track, and move on.
4. Don’t forget your priorities. Every morning when I take that BP pill I remind myself why my heath needs stay near the top of my priorities.
OK, so I have no intention of dwelling on the past, what’s done is done and I can’t go back. However, there is something to be said about understanding what went wrong and then learning from it. That is the point of this post; to evaluate my most recent failure and determine what adjustments I can make to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Failure #1 – Un-sustainable Path
Have you ever been in a triathlon? If you are reading my blog regularly, then probably not :) but I’m sure you’ll still follow the analogy. Triathlons are one of the most grueling endurance races out there. Many entrants never even finish; occasionally you will see highlights of people who literally just collapse… their bodies are done and they can’t move one more step forward. These people failed because they were on an unsustainable path, the pace they set for themselves was too much for their body to handle.
When I look back at my past posts, I see that I started at 297 in November 2009 and ended up at 270 by the end of March 2010. 27 Pounds in in 5 months doesn’t seem unsustainable, but if you look closer, I was at 288 at the start of March 2010. I lost 9 pounds in the first 4 months and then 18 in the last month.
When I did the 30 day challenge, my diet and exercise regimen became unsustainable. It became more important for me to win than it did to be healthy. By the time I was done with that challenge I was completely burned out emotionally. What you don’t see in the blog is that Big D. and I started a second challenge in April. We didn’t even finish because we were so burned out; we just both agreed to stop about 2 weeks in.
Failure #2 – Loss of Accountability
Why did I start blogging in the first place? I started blogging for several reasons, but one of them was to add some more accountability. I truly know quite a bit about losing weight (just not keeping it off), but you can’t write about weight loss if you’re not losing weight. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself (in the midst of being burned out from the 30 Day Challenge) that I was spending too much time blogging and not enough time focusing on losing weight. What a crock! Once I stopped writing it became easier and easier to cheat. In fact, after about a month, I stopped weighing in altogether. Not only did I lose the accountability from the blog, but then I started losing accountability to my family and friends, and eventually to myself.
Failure #3 – Failure to Stop the Backslide
If the unsustainable path was the first domino in my failure, then failing to stop the backslide was the last. The road to weight loss is never a straight line. Think about how many times you’ve said to yourself “If I can lose 2 pounds every week for a year I will have lost over 100 pounds!” Ever know anyone to do it that way? Plenty of people have lost 100 pounds in a year, but I can guarantee you no one did it by losing exactly 2 pounds per week. Weight loss has its ups and downs.
After I was burned out and after I stopped blogging, there was a time when I could see myself backsliding into the bad habits. Instead of choosing to get back on the wagon, I used my small failure as an excuse to keep on failing. Have you ever said to yourself “well I already cheated today and blew the entire week (on Tuesday), I might as well enjoy it and start fresh next week.”? That’s what I did, but weeks actually turned into months and eventually 2 years had passed.
Failure #4 – Forgetting Your Priorities
I ‘ve mentioned it a few times before, but my heaviest weight ever was 349. When I hit 349 it was still just me and Mrs. FogDog; the little tikes hadn’t shown up yet. At that time I vowed that I would make my health a high priority in my life. Then all this other stuff starts to happen to you; kids, career changes, moving, etc. Just a few months after I stopped blogging, I actually received a big promotion. It was a completely different kind of job than I had in the past and it involved managing others. I’ve been successful my entire career because when I get into something, I tend to bulldog it until I do it near perfectly. This job was no exception and the next thing you know I was working 60+ hour weeks and pretty much ignoring everything else around me except for my new job. That lasted for just about a year. With all this going on, I still had other commitments as well, so my health became the casualty. The results show, not only did my weight take off, but now I’m on blood pressure medication from all the stress at work.
Learning From Your Mistakes
As I said, I’m not going to dwell on the past, but I do intend to learn from it:
1. No more challenges, contests, or visions or “Biggest Loser” type weight loss numbers. Just stick to a sustainable plan that I can live with
2. Keep Blogging (Even if no one is reading) and keep holding myself accountable
3. Prepare for failure! Eventually I will have a backslide so I need to be prepared now. Once it happens, accept it, get back on track, and move on.
4. Don’t forget your priorities. Every morning when I take that BP pill I remind myself why my heath needs stay near the top of my priorities.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Starting Over
When I decided to write this post I spent a long time trying
to decide how to restart this blog.
Should I just delete the old stuff and start over? Should I create a whole new blog that talks
about more than just weight loss? Should
I just pick up where I left off?
Eventually I decided that I would keep the blog as it is (Though I may
change the tile in the weeks to come).
My reasoning is simple:
Things rarely go the way you plan. I started this blog as a way to hold myself
accountable. When I stopped, the
accountability stopped as well and the results show it. If I were to delete that old history and
truly start over, this blog wouldn’t reflect the struggles I’ve faced over the
last 2 years. When I was writing 2 years
ago, I was doing everything right and the results were beginning to show. In order for me to move forward, I need to
remember the past and I want everyone to see just how easy it is to go astray. As I said, things don’t always go as planned;
by now I was expecting to be at 199lbs. having completed my mission and
enjoying the rewards I had laid out for myself.
Not only did I miss the boat on that, but I went backwards…by a lot!
So where am I now? I’m
still trying to quit smoking. I turned
40 this year and my doctor put me on medication for my blood pressure. In my last blog post (March 2010) I weighed
270. When I weighed in on Sunday morning
I was at 326. This was not the condition
I expected to be in when I hit 40!
OK so I got all that out and it’s time to move on. As I thought about the last few years I
realized that part of the process for moving forward for me was to acknowledge
my past mistakes, learn from them, and then let it go. I can’t change the last 2 years no matter how
hard I think about it. I’ve hung my head
in shame long enough; it’s time to get going again. In the coming days I’ll start posting my
plan which has started today. I’ve got
some new ideas and I’m going to try a few new things so we’ll see how it
goes. If you followed my blog before,
the format isn’t going to change much.
I’ll be posting regular articles about my progress and I’ll be
sprinkling in some articles about specific weight loss techniques. I welcome of all you to join me in my new
adventure and wish all of you the best of luck if you are on an adventure of
your own!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Hospitals Are No Fun
It's been almost a week since my last post. Sorry for the long blackout, but believe me when I say I had more important things on my mind:
This has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in a very long time. On Sunday my 3 year old daughter was hospitalized because her knees and hips had become so swollen that she could not walk and even picking her up was enough to cause her to shriek in pain. For those of you who do not have kids, let me tell you that nothing is more heartbreaking than having to watch one of your children suffer in pain while you know there isn't a thing you can do about it. To make matters worse, I had to hold my daughter still multiple times for various blood draws and IV insertions. Every visit from the lab was meant with instant terror
and the screams and pleads to let her go home will probably remain with me forever.
Fortunately, this story does have a happy ending. After several days of testing, the doctors were able to confirm that she had Lyme disease
and they got her started on antibiotics. My wife and I were absolutely thrilled at this diagnosis; the alternatives that were being explored were all much worse! What had everyone baffled was just how fast the symptoms came on. On Friday she had 1 slightly swollen knee and by Sunday morning she couldn't move!
Anyway, I got to bring her home on Wednesday and as of today you almost couldn't tell that she had been sick. The swelling is almost completely gone and this morning she wanted to show me how fast she could run (even if she was still a little wobbly). The treatment is no picnic; a month of antibiotics
, but at least she's home and getting better every day.
So that brings me to the here and now. As those of you who have been following me for a while know, I have this tendency to look for ways to learn from everything that happens to me whether it's good or bad. As painful and emotionally draining as this process was, it did help me to see a few things about myself.
This week I essentially lived in a hospital for the better part of 3 days. I was in 2 different emergency rooms (my daughter had to be transferred to a second hospital in the middle of this process), the OR prep area, and then in a pediatric ward. During all that time I saw a lot of people and spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking. There was a TV in my daughter's room, but I could only watch so many episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants
before my mind started to wander.
During my time at the hospital I came to realize 2 very important things:
The first thing I noticed was that hospitals are filled with unhealthy people - I know, shocking isn't it? What I mean by this is that during my time at the hospital, I couldn't help but notice just how many of the people there were either overweight or diehard smokers. During my stay at the 2 different emergency rooms, I watched as one overweight person after another passed by my daughter's room. My guess is that of all the sick people I saw in the emergency departments, easily more than half were overweight
.
By the time we got to the pediatric department, I was ready for a smoke. I've been on and off again with the smoking
for a little while now and stressful situations always cause me to go "on" again. For those of you who haven't been to a hospital in a while, the rules around smoking at hospitals have changed. Most hospitals now are completely smoke free. This means you are not allowed to smoke anywhere on hospital grounds. This particular hospital we were at had setup a designated smoking area across the street underneath an overpass. If I wanted a cigarette, that's where I had to go. While in that area, I was absolutely shocked at the people I saw. It was bad enough to see doctors and nurses who get to see the result of what smoking can do to you, but what was really shocking was to see actual patients! Yes, I saw patients in their gowns and slippers... dragging IV machines behind them... in the 35 degree cold... walking across the street to go have a smoke! In fact one older woman came out of the building with one of those little pull behind oxygen tanks, but they wouldn't let her bring it across the street (gee I wonder why). She came over without it, had 2 cigarettes, and then went back inside. To be honest, I am amazed that the hospital even allows it, but I guess patients have rights even if it is the right to make things worse.
My takeaway from these observations was not that hospitals are filled with unhealthy people, but rather hospitals are filled with unhealthy people that don't take care of themselves. Being an overweight smoker is only going to increase my chances of ending up in a hospital sometime in my future. I've started to make improvements and I have made progress, but I've got a long way to go.
The second realization that I came across while hanging out at the hospital was that my unhealthy behaviors could cause others to suffer. I guess I've always had the belief that my bad habits
would only hurt me in the long run, but now I've realized that isn't true. Watching my daughter in pain was one of the hardest things I've had to endure. Obviously it wasn't her fault that she was there, but it suddenly hit me that someday I could be laying there suffering from something that I could have prevented by living a healthier lifestyle. All I could think of was my loved ones being in pain as they sat around me and watched me suffer. It's one thing to be in the hospital for something out of your control, but it's another thing to be there for something that you could have prevented. I do not want to have to put my family through that so I need to do whatever I can to reduce my chances of needing a hospital.
Without a doubt it's been a rough week. During all this I did not exercise and my diet has been less than stellar. No doubt I probably added a couple of pounds, but my desire to be healthy has also been renewed. I threw my cigarettes out and haven't smoked all day. It will be tough but I am committed to seeing it through. I also started a 30 day weight challenge with my friend, but that's a whole other story. I'll tell you all about it in my next post this weekend. Stay strong people!
This has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in a very long time. On Sunday my 3 year old daughter was hospitalized because her knees and hips had become so swollen that she could not walk and even picking her up was enough to cause her to shriek in pain. For those of you who do not have kids, let me tell you that nothing is more heartbreaking than having to watch one of your children suffer in pain while you know there isn't a thing you can do about it. To make matters worse, I had to hold my daughter still multiple times for various blood draws and IV insertions. Every visit from the lab was meant with instant terror
and the screams and pleads to let her go home will probably remain with me forever. and they got her started on antibiotics. My wife and I were absolutely thrilled at this diagnosis; the alternatives that were being explored were all much worse! What had everyone baffled was just how fast the symptoms came on. On Friday she had 1 slightly swollen knee and by Sunday morning she couldn't move!Anyway, I got to bring her home on Wednesday and as of today you almost couldn't tell that she had been sick. The swelling is almost completely gone and this morning she wanted to show me how fast she could run (even if she was still a little wobbly). The treatment is no picnic; a month of antibiotics
, but at least she's home and getting better every day.So that brings me to the here and now. As those of you who have been following me for a while know, I have this tendency to look for ways to learn from everything that happens to me whether it's good or bad. As painful and emotionally draining as this process was, it did help me to see a few things about myself.
This week I essentially lived in a hospital for the better part of 3 days. I was in 2 different emergency rooms (my daughter had to be transferred to a second hospital in the middle of this process), the OR prep area, and then in a pediatric ward. During all that time I saw a lot of people and spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking. There was a TV in my daughter's room, but I could only watch so many episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants
before my mind started to wander.
During my time at the hospital I came to realize 2 very important things:
The first thing I noticed was that hospitals are filled with unhealthy people - I know, shocking isn't it? What I mean by this is that during my time at the hospital, I couldn't help but notice just how many of the people there were either overweight or diehard smokers. During my stay at the 2 different emergency rooms, I watched as one overweight person after another passed by my daughter's room. My guess is that of all the sick people I saw in the emergency departments, easily more than half were overweight
. By the time we got to the pediatric department, I was ready for a smoke. I've been on and off again with the smoking
for a little while now and stressful situations always cause me to go "on" again. For those of you who haven't been to a hospital in a while, the rules around smoking at hospitals have changed. Most hospitals now are completely smoke free. This means you are not allowed to smoke anywhere on hospital grounds. This particular hospital we were at had setup a designated smoking area across the street underneath an overpass. If I wanted a cigarette, that's where I had to go. While in that area, I was absolutely shocked at the people I saw. It was bad enough to see doctors and nurses who get to see the result of what smoking can do to you, but what was really shocking was to see actual patients! Yes, I saw patients in their gowns and slippers... dragging IV machines behind them... in the 35 degree cold... walking across the street to go have a smoke! In fact one older woman came out of the building with one of those little pull behind oxygen tanks, but they wouldn't let her bring it across the street (gee I wonder why). She came over without it, had 2 cigarettes, and then went back inside. To be honest, I am amazed that the hospital even allows it, but I guess patients have rights even if it is the right to make things worse.My takeaway from these observations was not that hospitals are filled with unhealthy people, but rather hospitals are filled with unhealthy people that don't take care of themselves. Being an overweight smoker is only going to increase my chances of ending up in a hospital sometime in my future. I've started to make improvements and I have made progress, but I've got a long way to go.
The second realization that I came across while hanging out at the hospital was that my unhealthy behaviors could cause others to suffer. I guess I've always had the belief that my bad habits
would only hurt me in the long run, but now I've realized that isn't true. Watching my daughter in pain was one of the hardest things I've had to endure. Obviously it wasn't her fault that she was there, but it suddenly hit me that someday I could be laying there suffering from something that I could have prevented by living a healthier lifestyle. All I could think of was my loved ones being in pain as they sat around me and watched me suffer. It's one thing to be in the hospital for something out of your control, but it's another thing to be there for something that you could have prevented. I do not want to have to put my family through that so I need to do whatever I can to reduce my chances of needing a hospital.Without a doubt it's been a rough week. During all this I did not exercise and my diet has been less than stellar. No doubt I probably added a couple of pounds, but my desire to be healthy has also been renewed. I threw my cigarettes out and haven't smoked all day. It will be tough but I am committed to seeing it through. I also started a 30 day weight challenge with my friend, but that's a whole other story. I'll tell you all about it in my next post this weekend. Stay strong people!
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