I was ticked off before I even walked out the front door! That's one of the perks of having a company phone with email on it; you get to be annoyed any place, any time. I saw the email while I was eating breakfast (a healthy 3 eggs with a little cheese, onions and peppers in a tortilla wrap).
I'm not going to go into details of the email, but I will say I've never worked somewhere where there are so many people who act as roadblocks out of fear that others will look better and therefore make them look bad. Sometimes I think I'm back in grade school.
Anyway, regardless of the reason, I stewed all the way in on my 30 minute ride to work. When I got in, I didn't bother to pour myself some water like I usually do, I simply took off and buried myself in some work. Those that came to talk to me got sour responses and attitude before I closed my office door again. No morning snack and by the time lunch rolled around I just wanted to go out and vent to my best friend. I finished the day with no water consumption and a fully packed lunch riding back home with me.
There is no doubt that I let my anger derail my day completely. Why?? As I drove home it occurred to me just how stupid it was for me to use this event as an excuse. An event mind you that no one really cares about except for me. Instead of just shrugging my shoulders at the stupidity presented to me in an email, I chose to go on a mental rampage.
There's a part of me that whispers "it wasn't what happened that made you fall, you were just looking for some excuse". To be honest, that part of me may be right. Failure can be attractive because once it happens you don't have to make an effort anymore. So did I wake up this morning and start looking for an excuse, any excuse to go off the reservation today? It's possible, but truthfully it doesn't really matter why, failure is failure. Either way I have to learn to deal with it... I need to not let those little things get to me so much, and I need to stop looking for reasons to go nuts.
Today I get a big 'ole FAT "F"... But tomorrow is another day
Stay Strong!
An honor roll student can get an "F". Lots of "A+" and one "F" actually average out pretty good.
ReplyDeleteSo......you are human.
It's ok. You owned it. You learned from it.
Tomorrow will not be an "F" day.
This is a fascinating post! I have never thought of this, but I think you have something here. I know many times I have had a slip up at some point of the day and said hell with it, I'm going to enjoy the day and start back tomorrow. This thing is hard, and trying to shake a lifetime of what we perceive as finding comfort in food takes discipline and self awareness. I think the self awareness has to come first and it looks like you are finding it. Great post FD!
ReplyDeleteI had to learn NOT to check any emails until I was in my "work place", because it really IS a shame the way we're accessible all the time, everywhere now. I had to set up boundaries, and they're still hard to maintain, but they DO help. I've had to do the same for my husband and children. No phone allowed at breakfast, dinner, lunch, etc. We all used to be able to go eat or go home and take a break until we made a concerted effort to check in.
ReplyDeleteAnger tanks me too, every single time. Although, sometimes I get so mad I can't even eat, so there's that...