A New Beginning, A New Way of Thinking – Building Healthy Habits

Greetings fellow bloggers! I can’t believe my last post was 18 months ago. A lot has happened in my life since I did the 180 in 360challenge.  I can honestly say that when I look back at 2015 it will likely be one of the most pivotal points in my life.

So where have I been for the last 18 months?  Glad you asked.  For starters I can say my health has still been a primary focus in my life.  I am happy to say that I have completely kicked the alcohol dependency!  In fact in the last year I can count how many times I’ve had a drink on one hand.

I have also managed to stay away from tobacco.  I still use an e-cig, but the nicotine level is so low now that I’m starting to question why I even use it; I think it’s just out of habit now.

And what about the weight?  Well I’m happy to say that I have NOT put the weight back on that I lost in 2015.  At the end of 2015 I was at 300 pounds.  I don’t weigh myself very often these days, but at last check I was somewhere around 305.

Now you might be wondering why I’m back and I’m calling this a new beginning.  Well, for starters I just finished moving my family to NC and have taken on an exciting new challenge in my career.  I’m excited; My wife and I lived in NC about 12 years ago and now we finally made it back here.  We have moved around quite a bit in my career, but now that the kids are older the plan is to make this area permanent for the foreseeable future.  The last 6 months have probably been the most stressful that I can remember, yet I have not succumbed to the usual bad unhealthy habits that usually overtake me and force me off the wagon.

We’ve been here now for about 3 months.  Now that the dust has settled I’m ready to take my healthy living to the next level and maybe drop some more weight while I’m at it.  However, I know what happens when I go on a diet; I’ve yo-yoed myself too many times to think that anything would be any different this time.  It’s time to change my way of thinking…

I’ve decided that instead of focusing on losing weight or focusing on exercising more, I’m going to turn my focus towards building habits.  The way I see it, if I can teach myself how to create habits then I can choose to develop habits that will help me to be healthier.  I’m also hoping that as I learn to create habits, I might stumble across certain Keystone habits that will even accelerate my healthy living.

The Plan

I’ve already read quite a lot about creating habits; Most people agree that you need to start small and that it takes at least 21 days to make a habit.  Ok, so I’m going to pick 1 habit and I’m going to start small.  Since this is all about my health the first habit I want to establish is an exercise habit.

Now remember, I’m focused on building a habit, I’m not focused on exercising or losing weight.  The first thing I want to do is establish a routine.  I know from experience that I am not a morning workout person.  In fact I want to save my mornings for focusing on my mental health (after I establish this first habit).  I’m going to start with building an exercise habit after work.  My objective is real simple:

For the next 21 days I will change into workout clothes after work 

That’s it!  No more requirements other than to change into workout clothes.  If I choose to exercise that’s fine, but it’s not required.  By changing into those clothes I’m going to begin programming my mind to prepare myself for exercise.  I’m going to begin building the exercise habit.

Notice I’m not talking about how much weight I’m going to lose or how much exercise I’m going to get.  I want to exercise and I want lose weight and be healthy, but to get there I need to teach myself to create habits that give me those results.

I welcome you to follow me as I see how this experiment plays out.  After 21 days I will add another habit and/or increase the requirements on one of my existing habit declarations.  Over time I am hoping these habits will stick and become a normal part of my life.  Wish me luck!

[Photo: Flickr / dierk schaefer]

Day #40 - Perspective

I like my new "one day at a time" approach.  It makes it much easier to reset after a bad day.  No regrets, no looking at the difficult challenges ahead, simply reset the day and go.  I have noticed this approach does bring a lot of frequent ups and downs though, but I've realized it's really all about perspective.  It's not like I'm succeeding really well one day and doing terrible the next, but yet my perspective changes based on my mood.  Yesterday I felt like I was doing a terrible job this week, but today I feel like the week went quite well.  Nothing really changed except my perspective.

If I can keep reminding myself it's about my perspective then it stands to reason that I can choose what perspective to use.  Even if I'm in a bad mood I can tell myself to keep things on a positive perspective.

Tomorrow I weigh in; I'm not expecting a big loss, but I think I should lose something as I've done pretty good eating.  My water intake was a little off late in the week so that might hurt.  Monday is a holiday for me, so I get to enjoy a nice 3 day weekend; I'll be rebuilding the ceiling I fell through so I should get plenty of exercise.

40 Days of my journey are now behind me.  From a long term perspective that's one ninth (1/9) of my total journey this year.  However, as I've said from the beginning it's not about the whole trip, it's about tomorrow.  On to Day #41.

-Stay Strong!

Week #5 Weigh-In

8/24/14 Starting Weight: 347.8 lbs

 

Last Weigh-in: 329.4 lbs

Current Weight: 327.6 lbs

Period Weight Loss: 1.8 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 20.2 lbs

  
 

OK, so this is one of those weeks where I have to tread carefully.  On the one hand I am happy to have lost some more weight and I know that crossing over 20 pounds in just 5 weeks is a great accomplishment.

 

On the other hand though, I know that I am fully capable of much more.  During the week I could see some of my "old" habits creeping to the surface.  This early in my transformation I should lose more than 1.8 pounds and I know it.

 

However, one of my other "old" habits was beating myself up for not being perfect.  I certainly wasn't perfect this week in any stretch of the imagination, but that shouldn't be cause to feel guilty, get depressed, then go on a bender.  I recognize simply this... I wasn't perfect, but at the same time it wasn't good enough either.   I need to pick it up a little.

 

I did have couple more small victories... My Boss's Boss brought me a bowl full of homemade cookies to give to my team for all the hard work we've been doing.  I left the bowl in my office for 3 days before all those cookies were gone; I never ate a single cookie (Small Victory #18).  I also had a working lunch on Thursday.  Instead of eating a box lunch from Panera, I ate my own lunch (Small Victory #19).

 

I also reached my first milestone!  Now looking above you might think my first milestone was to lose 20 pounds, but I'm not a very traditional person.  My first milestone wasn't really about pounds (directly anyway).  My first milestone was to be able to get back on my Wii scale!  I like my Wii scale because you can't just step on it; you have to turn it on, push buttons, wait for the darn thing to tall you how fat you are, etc.  This is a good thing because you have to really want to weigh yourself if you are going to go through all those steps, it helps me to reduce casual daily weigh-ins.

 

Anyway, the Wii scale tops out at 330 and even if you're close to that number then it will give you an error (I tried last week at 329.4 and it didn't work).  Today I was able to get on it and it told me that today was my 1999th day using the scale.  WOW! that's over 5 years.  It also told me that it has been 212 days since I last weighed in.  That's how long it has been since I've been able to get on that scale, sad isn't it?

 

Highlights:

1. First milestone reached!
2. Water goal met every single day
3. Worked out several nights after work
4. Recognized the need to be accountable but also recognized I can't beat myself up either

Lowlights:

1. Nightly snacking on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday... out of plan
2. Still not exercising routinely
3. Little too much TV (see lowlight #1)

 

I did have some more victories this week and even when I slipped up a little, I did manage to contain the damage (the nightly snacking consisted of just some pretzels and a couple of granola bars).  What has me feeling good right now is that I'm beginning to recognize the things that typically derail me (like beating myself up or feeling guilty about a slip).  Feeling guilty tends to lead to more failure; instead, accept your actions for what they are, address it, and then move on.  This is why I said I have to be careful; I need to hold myself accountable without beating myself up too much.  It's a tough balancing act!

 

Stay Strong!

-FogDog

 

 

[Photo: Flickr / Timothy Chris Plascik]

Weigh-in #1 - September 6, 2014

8/24/14 Starting Weight: 347.8 lbs

 

Last Weigh-in: 347.8 lbs

Current Weight: 336 lbs

Period Weight Loss: 11.8 lbs

Total Weight Loss: 11.8 lbs

 

I have to admit I'm quite impressed with this result.  Remember I went on vacation for 4 days during this period and I still managed to lose a great deal of weight.  Of course, this isn't my first weight loss rodeo; I know that some of this is water weight, but I'll take it.  It's definitely a great start!

 

 

Some highlights from the last two weeks:

 

1. I decided to start my transformation a week early despite knowing I was going on vacation
2. I tried to take it one day at a time and focused on the mental part of losing weight more than the physical
3. I turned down a huge homemade chocolate muffin at work (small victory #4)
4. I started getting up at 5AM to exercise
5. I exercised on the NJ Turnpike
6. I turned down going out to lunch twice in favor of sticking to my plan (small victories #5, and #6)
7. After my vacation I caught a stomach virus and missed a day of work.  The perfect excuse to go off plan (but I didn't)
8. After declaring on this blog that I need to get moving more, I spent the next day doing more work than I had in a long time

Of course, it's not all sunshine and lollipops, some lowlights:

1. I used being sick as an excuse not to get up at 5AM for 2 days
2. I made a few questionable choices during vacation
3. Mentally, I'm still don't completely believe in myself yet (though this result helps)

This has been a great start to my transformation.  The road ahead of me is going to be long and tough and I know it. For me the hardest part will be maintaining the mental fortitude.  Though I'm not a big fan of scales and numbers, today's weigh-in is a nice little boost to my confidence. 

Stay Strong!



Working Out on the NJ Turnpike

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend.  Mine was filled with signs that I am indeed changing the way I approach things.  If you remember, when I restarted this blog I said that I would be starting my new transformation on September 1^st, but then very quickly changed my mind and decided to start right away.

The reason why I originally wanted to start after Labor Day was because I knew I was going on a long trip to Maine to visit with family.  With 2 travel days (12 hours each day), a birthday party, and seeing relatives who also love to eat, I knew that the odds of doing well were not in my favor.

However, that was the old me.  The new me asked a very simple question… “Is your new way of approaching food going to prevent you from ever travelling again?”.  Seems like a silly question, obviously the answer is no, but the reality is I have to figure out how to deal with those times when we leave the comfort of the normal daily routine.

So I started my transformation early knowing that I would have to go on this trip.  I also knew that traveling and eating poorly go hand-in-hand with me; It gives me an excuse to eat junk food all day long as rest stops and gas stations don’t typically offer healthy fare.  On our last excursion that involved a lot of driving I actually ate so poorly that I actually threw up on the ride home!  However, with a new mindset I was confident that I could battle this particular demon of mine and come out on top.  It turned out to be a great choice because that’s exactly what I did… 

Small Victory #1

The 12 hour drive up was filled with happy kids, good conversation with my wife, and also lots of healthy eating.  In fact, we made the whole trip up to Maine without stopping and buying any food or drinks (excluding 2 coffees at the start of the trip).  My wife packed an entire cooler full of healthy snacks and we had a gallon jug of water.  My kids loved lunch;  grilled chicken salad in a bag.  They get a kick out of anything that’s just a little different so eating salad out of plastic baggies went over well. They also jumped at the chance to support their dad.  After a quick bathroom break at a rest stop on the NJ Turnpike, I asked "Who wants to do a quick workout?".  Of course the kids were up for it, so we all stood in a circle and each kid got to pick an exercise that we would do.  We did jumping jacks, squats, and pushups off the picnic table.  People that passed by looked at us a little funny, but my kids were having fun supporting their dad and so it didn't bother me at all!

Small Victory #2

I won’t go into too much detail about my time in Maine, but I will say that I did a decent job of not overeating.  I did have some birthday cake as we celebrated my daughter’s birthday, but I was generally happy with my choices throughout the trip.  However, the small victory came on the last day when we went out to dinner… 

My family lives in a very rural part of Maine so they don’t get out much.  The one thing my niece said she wanted to do was go to “5 Guys” for dinner and then “Sweet Frog” afterward.  For those that don’t know, “5 Guys” is a popular burger joint and “Sweet Frog” is a frozen yogurt shop.  It was an hour away (I said it was rural), but I agreed that we could go there.  My typical meal at 5 Guys is a bacon cheeseburger, bacon cheesedog, and a large fry.  Instead I ordered a plain hamburger and then the entire family shared a large fry. I probably got ¼ of the calories I normally eat there. 

When we got to Sweet Frog I was feeling pretty good about myself and decided to keep it going.  Instead of loading up a dish with every topping known to man, I instead chose to put a small amount of frozen yogurt in my cup and then proceeded to load it up with fresh fruit and then a few almonds and walnuts for some crunch.  My guess is that I ate dinner and dessert all for about 800 calories.  The old me would have eaten 800 calories just in fries.

Small Victory #3

My last small victory came after the long ride home.  To make it easier on everyone (except me) I decided that we would leave Sunday night and I would drive through the night.  I’ve done it before and I’ll tell you if you have kids it works out really well as they sleep the whole time.  Anyway, I made the drive home through the night only snacking on fruit and drinking a lot of coffee.  By 7AM the family was waking up and we were just an hour from home.  We decided to stop at “Bob Evans” for some breakfast.  At this point I was exhausted and really hungry.  As soon as we pulled in I could hear myself justifying a huge breakfast all in the name of the “sacrifice” I chose to make by driving through the night.  I “deserved” to eat a huge meal because of the selflessness I showed in the evening (yes my brain does think this way sometimes).  In the end I showed restraint and ordered a veggie omelet.  When the waiter asked if I wanted hash browns or home fries I astounded myself further when I said “neither”.  He actually offered a fruit cup instead and I took it.  I still can’t believe that I pulled that one off.

 

Of course there were a couple areas where I could’ve done better.  For starters I didn’t drink as much water as I should have.  I did drink some but it can be difficult when you are traveling as you don’t want to have to stop every 30 minutes to use the bathroom.  I also could have exercised a little more.  Basically I didn’t get any real exercise on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday.

Monday I just laid around watching TV because I was so tired, but I also went right back to my “normal” diet.  In all this was the healthiest traveling that I’ve done in my entire life!  It’s given me some more confidence that this time I have truly changed my mindset; these deviations from the routine are not an excuse to go wild, but rather, something that needs to be managed.  I was able to manage this trip and came back knowing that I didn’t “undo” the hard work from earlier in the week.  That was the best feeling of all!

Why Do We Weigh Ourselves?

Ahhh the beloved bathroom scale; one of the greatest inventions of all time…

Simply step on this device and almost instantaneously you can have a 3 digit number that defines who you are!  The only thing more amazing than being able to get this 3 digit number is our ability to interpret its meaning.  Here are just some of the interpretations we can get from reading this number:

My most recent scale reading means…
My plan is working, My plan is not working, I’m making good progress, My progress is to slow, I must have followed my plan perfectly, I must have strayed from my plan, I will be down X pounds by (insert date here), I will never hit my goal, I’m retaining water, I am a good person, I am a bad person, I am a horrible person, The battery must be low or this scale is broken!

How many of these have you said before?  The list could go on and on, people will always find infinite ways to interpret that 3 digit number.  The truth is, you can’t conclude anything from that 3 digit number other than that is your current weight at that very moment.  That’s it.  In fact 5 minutes later you could weigh something different.  Don’t believe me?  Simply drink a glass of water and weigh yourself again.

 

Why do we weigh ourselves?  Seriously, stop and think for a moment about “why”.  If you scour 1000 blogs written by people trying to lose weight, you will see an amazing array of different styles people use to lose weight.  However, the one common element you will find is that all of them will be weighing themselves at some regular frequency.  Some people weigh-in monthly or even weekly; some as much as daily.  Is that a mistake?

Investing in Healthy Living  

Investments typically have a longer term time horizon.  If you invest in a 401K I bet you don’t check the balance every day.  Why not?  Because it really doesn’t matter what your balance is today, you don’t need that money until you retire.  You might look at it once a quarter or once a year just to make sure you are still on track but you certainly don’t need to see it every day.

When we decide to lose weight, we should treat it in the same manner; it’s an investment in healthy living.  If your end goal is to be at a healthy weight in 3 years, then why are you looking at your weight every day or even every week? Like your 401K, just a quick check now and then to see you are on track is all you need.

 

Reasons Why We Say We Need to Weigh-in

“To track my progress” – Ok I get this one, you want to see progress.  However, the big problem here is that we create linear goals.  We’ve all done it; “I want to lose 50 pounds in 1 year”.  Somehow that translates into “I should be losing 2 pounds every week”.  So now you need to measure yourself every week to see if you are “on track”.  Weight loss doesn’t work that way; in fact it’s more like a curved line, taking longer and longer to lose weight as you get closer to your goal.  You don’t really need a scale to measure progress, when you walk down the street and your pants fall down because they are too loose, you will have your progress report.


“It motivates me” – Oh, I see, daily losses and gains of 0.2 pounds sounds really motivating.  How motivated are you when you suddenly gain 2 unexplained pounds over the week.   If anything I think the scale becomes a de-motivator.  The sad part is that all too often our gains and losses on a daily and weekly basis fluctuate due to a variety of factors.  We all have played the game before, have you ever started your diet weighing in in the evening only to have your first weigh-in in the morning?  Or how about starving yourself the day before the weigh-in just so you can be motivated by that number the next day (or just so you can hopefully break even and somehow salvage a bad week).  Wouldn’t it be more motivating to see 25 pounds lost after 2 months?  It’s harder to game the system when you spread those weigh-ins out.  Wouldn’t it be more motivating knowing that you had the confidence in your abilities to stick it out for a month or two without weighing in? 

“I use it to confirm that I’m not doing all this hard work for nothing” – Are you serious?  If you feel like you have to suffer in order to get some reading on a scale, then you probably shouldn’t be trying to lose weight because you are likely doomed to fail.  Unfortunately I think this is something that happens a lot; we need confirmation, we need something to tell us we are good.  Unfortunately if you are seeking confirmation and you don’t get it, it can cause you to abandon you plans.  A number can’t tell you if you are good or bad, it’s just a number.

 

“It gives me an out” – No, you probably don’t say this (at least not to your face), but subconsciously you might be sabotaging yourself.  Sometimes we look for a reason to fail because failure is the easy path.  As soon as the scale stops telling you what you want to hear you have the permission to quit.  Sounds crazy, but I bet it happens.

All About the Number

Weighing ourselves has become an obsession.  If people notice you’ve lost weight the first thing they ask is “How much have you lost?”  They don’t ask if you feel healthier or if or if it’s easier to climb the stairs, it’s the number that counts.  I’m not going to try to convince anyone here to completely abandon weighing in, in fact, I still plan on getting on the scale myself.  However, if I can get you to stop and think about what weighing in means and maybe some of the pitfalls associated with it, then this post will have been successful.  We are more than just a number on the scale and if you can see that you might find that the need to see that number just isn’t that important. 

Day 3 Progress... Keeping the daily mindset

So I’ve now completed 2 days of low-carb living. To be honest, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought. I’ve been targeting each my 5 meals to come in somewhere around 300 calories (except for breakfast where I target 400 and include some carbs). I thought sure I would be starving and craving carbs. Then again, it’s only been two days it’s not like I’ve been marooned without carbs and calories for years!
 
I’ve also managed to get up and workout at 5AM in the morning. Those that know me would probably relate this to a small miracle. I am not a morning person, never have been, and probably never will be, but If I don’t get up this early and workout before work, I’ll never be consistent because I work late a lot and I have 3 kids that require my attention for their extracurricular activities. The workouts were only for 15 minutes, but I was drenched with sweat by the time I was done. It felt good

I haven’t really thought ahead too much, and I think that’s a positive sign. Usually I’m already thinking about my first weigh-in. I haven’t even decided how often I’ll weigh-in, if at all. Well that’s bull, I’ll have to weigh-in sometime or I’ll probably go mad, but for now I’m not worried about it. I really do just want to try to focus on one day at a time.

Some Positives in my first 3 days of healthy living

• I didn’t eat like a pig on Sunday just because I could (it was my unrestricted day)
• I haven’t felt hungry or miserable
• The workouts felt good
• My mind isn’t wandering away from the here and now

 
A couple negatives

• I am a little sore from working out
• I can’t believe how many trips you take to the bathroom when you drink a gallon of water each day!

And Lastly, a couple of observations

• Last night I was actually craving a big juicy apple! 
• My phone beeps to remind every three hours that it’s time to eat. Although I’m not feeling hungry during the day, I do notice that when it’s time to eat, my mouth is watering (don't tell Pavlov)
• I was feeling a little more fatigued by the end of today, compared to yesterday. Tomorrow is a high carb day with a meal target of 400 calories; I think that’s a good thing for me.

My Weight Loss Plan

 

"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step" - Laozi

And so it begins…

I woke this morning with a smile on my face.  It’s time!  My transformation begins today; I got up this morning and jumped on the scale…

August 24, 2014 – 347.8 Pounds

 

Wow!  I knew I was close to 350.  On one hand I recognize that I’m about one pound shy of my heaviest weight ever, but on the other hand I thought “could be worse”.  Time to get busy!

So now that I’ve started I’m going to share my plan.  It’s a work in progress since I just recently decided to accelerate my start date. 

I recently read Chris Powell’s Book – Choose More Lose More.  I’ve read a lot of books about weight loss; but not many have resonated with me as much as this one.  I think what I liked about it was the majority of discussion was devoted toward the mental aspects of transformation.  The rest of his book, including the plan really was a little vague and open to interpretation.  Exactly what I need! 

I’m going to give carb cycling a try.  I’m committing to doing it for 3 months and then I will evaluate.  I’m following Chris Powell’s “Turbo” plan for the first month an I’m also making some tweaks here and there to suit me and my style. 

Some Key Points about My Plan

Eating

1. I will be eating 5 meals each day of roughly equal calorie count spaced out evenly
2. I am targeting each meal to be about 300 calories on low carb days and 400 calories on high carb days
3. Low carb days will be on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday
4. High carb days will be on Wednesday, and Saturday
5. Sunday is a free day to eat any way I choose
6. Every 3 weeks I will spend the 4th week doing all high carb days
7. I will try to drink a gallon of water every day

Exercising

1. I am committing 15 minutes each day to exercising and I will add 5 minutes each week until I get to 1 hour
2. Exercise will consist of both cardio and strength training
3. No matter how much I don't want to exercise, I will always complete at least 10 minutes each day

Mental

1. I will meditate 10 minutes each day in the morning
2. Each morning I will remind myself that I can do this
3. At the end of each day I will rate my performance (for the day only) and hold myself accountable
4. I will continue to blog and seek support from my family and friends
5. I will continue to make small promises to myself that support my new lifestyle; I will keep those promises
6. I will limit my goals and limit how much I track progress and instead I will focus on taking it one day at a time

That’s about it, not too impressive huh?  Exactly what I want; I tend to make things incredibly complicated (see my old plans), but if you are truly motivated (there’s that mental part again), why do you need a complex plan?  Commit to something that’s simple and easy to live with and then do it!

Now, I will set some goals and I will talk about tracking results and calorie counting in future blogs, but for now what more do I need?  I’m motivated and I’ve made the commitment; I’ve taken my first step; I'll see you in a 1000 Miles!

Slight Change of Plans... Why Wait?

My last post was actually pretty emotional for me.  It got me really thinking hard about my future and my pending transformation.  To be honest, I woke up this morning wondering just what else I needed to wait for in order to get this process going. What else do I need, a sign from God?  You know how it is, we all need to draw that line in the sand and say (this is where it all starts… right here).  Until you reach that line nothing you do matters.  Whether you gain 5 pounds or lose 5 before that line it really makes no difference.  The line is drama, it’s the line you plan on pointing to 2 years from now when you are surrounded by people who want to know how you did it.

I continued to ponder as I read some other people’s blogs, and then sat down for breakfast.  As I was eating I asked my wife how many calories she thought I was eating.  She had made me two bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches; here’s my calorie total for breakfast:

• 1 Large cup of coffee with cream and sugar – 150 calories
• 3 Eggs – 210 calories
• 4 Pieces of Bacon – 120 calories
• ¾ Oz. Cheese – 75 calories
• 4 Pieces of Bread – 480 calories
• 2 Tbsp Butter – 200 calories

That’s a grand total of 1235 calories just for breakfast!  If I was on my plan right now I’d have about 300 calories left for the day.  This has to stop!  I couldn’t even remember anything about the 5 minutes (yes I said 5) where I sat there and wolfed those sandwiches down.  How’d they taste?  I couldn’t tell you because I ate them mindlessly.  No More!

I told my wife I’m ready to start now.  We’re doing this together so I needed her agreement; we compromised on starting tomorrow (which ironically will be our cheat day).  It doesn’t matter; in my opinion we really started today.  I went into the basement and setup an area for working out.  The new house we bought 2 months ago came with an elliptical machine and a treadmill plus we already had an elliptical and free weights.  I don’t like the elliptical that came with the house plus it only supports 325 lbs, so I’m giving that one to a friend.  I organized the room and now it’s ready to be used.

Later on we went out to the big and tall store.  All of my clothes are extremely tight and so I wanted to get just a couple things to hold me over until the pounds start coming off.  First I had to drive 45 minutes to get there.  When I arrived they didn’t have any jeans that were “regular fit”.  I know we fat guys need some room in the seat, but it’s always too much for me and it always looks like I have a big load in my pants.  Anyway, no jeans, but I found a nice pair of shorts.  I tried and tried to find a collar shirt to match but no luck.  Everytime I found a color I liked I couldn’t find it in my size (3XLT).  Finally, I got pissed, dropped the shorts, and left.  Nothing like a waste of a 45 minute drive!  All the way home I kept thinking about how mice it would be to not have to go to a special store to buy clothes anymore.  The time will come soon!

Tomorrow morning I will get on the scale.  Then My wife and I will go shopping to get the food we need for the rest of the week.  I am starting to get excited.  Even though tomorrow is a cheat day for us (In order to keep our schedule right), I still plan on eating reasonable.  Tomorrow I’ll post my plan… and my starting weight.  Wish me luck!

Weight Loss, Go-Karts, and One Big Promise

When I was a kid, my family’s go-to vacation was to Hampton Beach in NH. Some years we would go for a week, other years just for a weekend or two, but you could always count on at least one trip there during the summer. Not far from the beach was the coolest go-Kart park ever (probably not nearly as cool now that I’m an adult, but it was pretty freakin’ awesome as a kid). All I ever wanted to do was ride those go-Karts and I begged and pleaded with my parents every single time we went. However, my parents thought they were way too expensive and so I never did get to ride them. By the time I was a teenager, my parents divorced and so we stopped going to Hampton Beach, but I still always wanted to ride those go-Karts.

Flash forward to 2014, and to this day I have still never driven a go-Kart! To be honest, it’s not like I’ve been aching for years and years about this. It’s not some lifelong dream or bucket list item, it’s just something that I’ve always wanted to but never had the opportunity because of my size.

I’m sharing this with you because of something that happened to me recently. Earlier this month we went on a family vacation. The resort we stayed at had a go-Kart track and the moment I saw it my heart sank. My oldest (11 years old) of three daughters asked “Can we do that Daddy”? Without hesitation I said “Sorry sweetie, but I’m too big to fit. You don’t want to ride these anyway, the track is small and they don’t go very fast. It’s not nearly as fun as it looks.”

NOT AS FUN AS IT LOOKS??? People were going around grinning ear-to-ear. I’m surprised my daughter didn’t call bullshit on me right then and there, but she just nodded her head and we moved on. I was instantly depressed! Not only could I not fulfill a childhood dream, but I also did my best to convince my daughter not to do it as well. My other two kids weren’t quite tall enough yet, and I’m convinced this is the only reason why my oldest gave up so easily.

Oh did I mention they also had zip lines? Now, my daughter is smart enough to realize I’m too big to ride a zip line so she didn’t ask me, but she still wanted to do it. Again, I did my best to convince her that these were somehow “inferior” zip lines that wouldn’t be fun at all while deep down wishing I could ride those lines (hanging upside down and splashing into a pool if they would let me). Again, she gave me that fake smile that kids give you when they are trying to hide their disappointment and we moved on.

Now at this point you might be wondering why I wouldn’t want my daughter to do those fun things and why I would do my best to convince her that they weren’t any fun. That’s simple… because it would have been too painful for me to watch her do it without me. I’m the dad! I’m the one that lives for this stuff! Not only should I be riding go-Karts and hanging from zip lines with my kids, but I should be the one convincing my wife we need to go “one more time”! When we go mountain biking (when I was thinner), my kids know that I will be disappointed if they miss a single mud puddle!

Some of you will relate and some will just not get it. I know just how selfish it sounds, and that just makes me feel worse. Heading into 2010 my kids were 4,5 and 7 years old. I started my blog and my transformation back then knowing that in just a few short years they would be big enough for Water Parks, go-Karts, Zip Lines, Rollercoasters, Mountain Biking, Kayaking and all the other cool and awesome things that dads are supposed to do. My family didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up so I didn’t get to do a lot of things I would have liked. As an adult I’ve done well for myself and all I’ve ever wanted to do was give my kids some of those experiences, but together, as a family.

I wanted to be ready for them… and I failed… and I had to face up to that fact not more than a month ago. To date it has been my most painful realization about my health.

Since we’ve gotten back from vacation I’ve started making some small promises. My first was to stop eating off my kid’s plates. My second promise was to avoid alcohol for the next month.

I’m going to end this post with my third promise… to my kids… by the time you are all tall enough, I’m going to find the coolest, most pimped out go-Kart facilities I can and when we get there, WE WILL RIDE!

Thanks for reading.


Acknowledgement - I’ve been following Sean Anderson’s Blog since I started blogging in 2010. The other day I made a comment on his blog and he encouraged me to go back to the beginning of postings because he felt there was a lot there that I would be able to relate to as I restart my transformation. I went through a lot of his old posts, but one in particular struck a chord with me because of a recent experience, and it inspired me to share this story with you. You can read the post that inspired me here HERE. Thanks Sean for the post. It might have been painful to write this, but now that it’s done, it’s clear to me why I need to get this stuff out.

Weight Loss Fear - Success??

I’m preparing myself for a huge transformation that will begin when I return from vacation on September 1. Unlike past experiences, I’m not just starting right out with the goal to lose as much weight as fast as possible. This time it’s different. This time I want to prepare myself. When you move to a new city, you don’t just show up one day, you prepare. You get your things in order, you make lists of things you need to do, you tell your friends, you get yourself mentally ready. That’s why I wrote myself a letter when I restarted my blog, I needed to acknowledge to myself that although I have failed, I have, indeed changed, and I needed to give myself permission to try again. It was my first signal to begin getting myself mentally ready for what will be an incredibly tough challenge.

Today is another step in my preparation; admitting to one of my biggest (and probably seen as craziest) fears.

Another well-known blogger asked me recently if I was excited to get started. I told him that it wasn’t excitement, but rather fear I’m feeling right now. To be honest I’m scared as hell about this. I stared into a mirror the other morning, and I couldn’t recognize the person I was seeing. I’ve been going through the motions for so long now that I don’t really feel anything anymore. I just get up, do the same thing everyday, and then go to bed. No excitement, no enthusiasm, nothing. While this might seems sad, keep in mind that it can also be quite comfortable; nothing really changes.

My fear isn’t about failing… that just means more of the same, familiar life. Besides, I’ve failed millions of times; it’s not like I don’t know how to handle it. No, my fear is around succeeding. It’s amazing when you spend a little time just thinking about “stuff”. Since high school I’ve been overweight. Throughout my entire life my “vision” of myself as a thin person was simply… me, but thinner. At the age of 42 I find myself astounded that I’ve never seriously considered that fact that I would also change as a person! Seriously, I’ve never even had a mental picture myself as happier person, or a more confident person, it was always just a one dimensional image, same person, just with less body. Laugh if you want, but it just never really dawned on me. Now don’t get me wrong I pictured myself mountain biking and going kayaking with friends. I had all those visions of doing things that fat people can’t really do, but I never really thought about who I would be as a person.

It’s this realization that really has hit me hard. Most people assume that losing weight will only change them in positive way. While it is true there are positive aspects of losing weight. What’s not a given is how you will change as a person. How will my relationships with my family change? My friends? What personality traits will disappear? What new personality traits will show up? What new habits will I pick up? What will I think about my career? There’s a lot that can change when you go through these transformations, and there’s no guarantee that they will all be positive.

Don’t get me wrong, when I say I’m scared it’s not a “run for the hills – I can’t do this” type of scared, it’s that fear of the unknown. It’s like walking into a pitch dark cave with your hands out in front of you. You don’t necessarily stop, but you are scared as hell about what your about to run into!

This is just something that I’ve never really thought about before; it’s not just your appearance that will change, it’s everything about you! I don’t know how I will change, I don’t know the answers to all those questions I listed above, I don’t even know if I will like the new me or not. However, I do know this: The one thing that would be worse would be to never find out! Wish me luck, I’m going into the cave.

Letter To Myself - It's Time!

Dear FogDog-

Wow! Has it really been almost a year and a half since your last failed attempt at weight loss? So much has happened since then that I’m surprised you want to try again. Do you realize that the last time you posted on this blog…

• You lived in a different city
• You had a different job
• You drove a different car
• You still smoked
• You didn’t know you had severe sleep apnea
• You had just turned 40
• You were committed to starting another (failed) journey to lose 100 pounds

I went back and read your post called “starting over” that you made after your first failed attempt at weight loss. You talked about those couple of years as “dark times”. Things haven’t really gotten much better have they? In fact I think it’s safe to say things are worse now than they’ve been in quite a while. Sure, you managed to quit smoking 3 months ago, but at what cost? At the moment you are pretty darn close to 350lbs, you are miserable, and completely exhausted with life. Your job is stressful and not particularly fulfilling so your weekends are spent “unwinding” with a bottle of rum. Your kids don’t understand why you never play with them, and you seem depressed almost all the time. Can things get much worse? I’m amazed that you would even want to try again; you know that you are bound to fail!

But wait a minute; I also see that you are not the same person as before. Something about you is different but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s all those books you started reading about positive psychology. Maybe now you are starting to see that you need to focus within yourself instead of always looking for external fixes. I think those books have helped but I don’t think that’s it.

Maybe it’s all the reading you’ve been doing about being healthy. I know the book you read by Chris Powell seemed to really get you motivated. I’m sure it had something to do with his mental approach to losing weight. No, I think that book was helpful, but I’m not sure that has made you a different person either.

I guess it could be all the health problems you have now. I bet you hate wearing a CPAP at night. My guess is that taking medication for high blood pressure isn’t much fun nor is the constant aching in your knees and feet. I’m sure those things would be enough to motivate you to get healthy.

Or maybe it’s just all of the above; I don’t know for sure, but whatever it is that has changed in you, I can see it very clearly. I saw it 3 months ago when you simply “decided” to quit smoking. You just stopped and even when your best friend gave up and started smoking again, you kept going. No tricks, no gimmicks, you simply decided it was time to quit. You didn’t let anyone influence you and your determination was unwavering. I can see you are now ready to do that again, only this time with losing weight. I think after almost 16 months, you are finally ready to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and start again. Actually, I don’t think it, I know it!

Since I can clearly see you are sincerely ready to give it another shot, I wanted to take some time to give you some advice:

• Face your fears! I know you very well; I know that one thing you are afraid of is that if you succeed at losing the weight your excuse for being unhappy will be gone, and then you will have to deal with whatever else might be out there. That might happen; losing weight is no guarantee to make you happy. You are going to have to face this fear and all those other ones that you aren’t quite ready to share yet.

• You need support! From a very early age you taught yourself that you shouldn’t need to rely on anyone to get by. I think you did that so that you wouldn’t have to deal with the feeling of being rejected when you need help. While it might have helped you to become highly independent, it has also made you closed off and incapable of asking for help from anyone. That needs to change. Reach out to your family and friends. Reach out to the blogosphere and find new friends that share your goals. You won’t succeed if you think you can do this one on your own.

• Help Others! You’re a smart guy, you’ve read a lot about being healthy and you’ve fought obesity your whole life. Something happened when you started volunteering in youth sports; you discovered that you actually like to help others! Share your story (good and bad) with anyone who will listen. Keep blogging and stay engaged with the community; it will keep you engaged with your battle.

• You need to keep your word! You’ve promised this before; you’ve said you would change your ways. Every time you promise and then fail to live up to it, it eats away at your soul. No crazy commitments this time, only promise to yourself the things you can realistically achieve.

• Get ready to fail! It’s going to happen and you know it. This journey will not be in a straight line so you need to be able to forgive yourself when you fail. This isn’t a “free pass” to be used when things get tough. You need to hold yourself accountable, but when you fail, you need to figure out what happened, forgive yourself, and then pick yourself back up as quickly as possible.

• Give yourself permission to succeed! Yes, you will fail from time to time, but you also need to allow yourself to succeed. I still don’t know why you don’t feel like you deserve complete success in life, but you do. You deserve happiness and success as much as anyone else.

• Lastly, and most importantly, you need to BELIEVE! Even with all the change I see in you, I’m still not convinced that you truly believe in yourself. I think there have been so many failures, that it’s almost impossible for you to see yourself at a healthy weight. This won’t work if you don’t believe in yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!

That’s all I’ve got for you. I know you are planning on starting your journey on September 1, so you have 2 weeks to get ready. I wish you the best of luck and I’ll do my best to help you stay on the path.

Sincerely,
Mark (A.K.A Fogdog)

Day 70 - Weight Loss Results

Starting Weight – 330
Day 60 Weight – 319.8
Current Weight – 319.0

Period Weight Loss – 0.8 Pounds
Overall Weight Loss – 11 Pounds

Finally!  After 2 weeks of weight gains I finally posted a loss.  It might be a small one, but a loss is a loss and right now I just really needed to see it.  It's been a rough 30 days for me, but it feels good knowing that I'm starting to get back on track

What Went Well

Not a lot of areas that I can say went well these last 10 days except that I was definitely more active.  the weather has finally gotten better (at least here in VA) and I am taking full advantage.  Soccer season has finally started and I am the coach of my daughter's youth soccer team.  I love to coach, it's great to get out there and run around with a bunch of little kids. 

I've also started playing basketball with my kids.  I have 3 girls so we play 2 on 2.  I take the youngest on my team and we play in our driveway.  I was skeptical at first that I would actually get any exercise since my kids are 6,8, and 9, but I've been amazed at how winded I get even after about 15 minutes.  The bonus is that I get exercise while spending time playing with the kids and they just love it!

Areas to Improve

Still quite a bit of eating out (though not nearly as much as the 20 days before).  I've also struggled with drinking water.  It's strange, it's not like I've been drinking soda or any other bad drink, I'm just not drinking at all.

Moving Forward

Today starts a new chapter for me!  I didn't realize it until I got into work this morning, but today marks 99 days without smoking!  That's a significant accomplishment for me.  For those of you who haven't seen my earlier posts, smoking was the first bad habit I needed to break, losing weight has been my my second priority and I am happy that I've managed to take 11 pounds off while quitting smoking.  At this point I'm ready to declare victory on the smoking, put more attention towards eating right, and really start to give more thought on getting more exercise.

Goals for this week (Next 10 Days):

Shooting the moon these next 10 days, I'm going for 10 pounds (yes, that's 1 pound each day).  In order to be successful, I will need to execute perfectly every single day:

1. Calories under 2500 every day
2. 100oz Water or more every day
3. Exercise every day
4. Maintain a positive attitude!

I'm also setting a goal to post 2 blog articles and visit 10 of my friend's blogs before my next weigh-in.  I apologize I've been absent as of late, both in writing articles and also in visiting my friend's sites.  I hope you are all still doing well.

Anyway, wish me luck.  Stay Strong!

Day 60 - Weight Loss Results

Starting Weight – 330

Day 50 Weight – 316.8
Current Weight – 319.8

Period Weight Loss – +3 Pounds
Overall Weight Loss – 10.2 Pounds

10 more days and 3 more pounds gained.  It's strange, I'm really struggling, but I'm not really frustrated about it.  Being sick the week before didn't help matters, but I didn't have the same excuse this time, I just simply didn't eat well.

What Went Well

The only thing I can say is going well at the moment is that I'm hanging on and not completely blowing it.  Yes, I've gained weight over the last 2 weigh-ins, but believe me, it doesn't seem like that much compared to how I've felt.  There's a lot of stress in my life right now and I'm really just trying to keep the ship afloat.

Areas to Improve

The weather is finally getting better, I really need to be more active.  I also need to stop going out to eat, both for my health and for my wallet!  Fianlly, I need to get back to drinking water.  That should be an easy no-brainer way to help keep the weight off.

Moving Forward

No changes in daily calories or water consumption goal. No new adjustments to my plan, I just need to get back on it!

Goals for this week (Next 10 Days):

No weight goal for this next period, instead my goal is to get back at it and lose SOMETHING at the next weigh-in. Also, I need to start blogging a little more; I feel like I've lost a little of that momentum (afterall this weigh-in happened last Friday!) Wish me luck; Stay Strong!

Day 50 - Weight Loss Results

Starting Weight – 330

Day 40 Weight – 314.8

Current Weight – 316.8
Period Weight Loss – +2 Pounds

Overall Weight Loss – 13.2 Pounds


Clearly not a great week.  Not that I want to make excuses, but I've actually been quite sick for the last 10 days.  That's why I haven't been posting, and I knew that my results would not be good.  The good news is that as of this morning I'm finally starting to feel a little better and I am ready to get right back to it.

What Went Well

Despite being incredibly sick for most of the last 10 days, I did do surprisingly well with maintaining my diet.  On the worst days of my illness, I did succumb to eating some "comfort foods", but for the most part I really ate pretty well.

Areas to Improve

Obviously being sick, I didn't get any exercise in.  I made a conscious choice to try to get as much rest as possible so as to not stay sick for too long.  I also didn't do well with drinking water; though I drank plenty of Ginger Ale. 

Moving Forward

No changes in daily calories or water consumption (both seem to be working fine). No new adjustments to my plan.

Goals for this week (Next 10 Days):

I highly suspect that the 2 pounds I gained are really nothing more than water retention from being sick.  Because of that, I'm going to shoot for 6 pounds in the next 10 days. Wish me luck; Stay Strong!

Day 40 - Weight Loss Results

Starting Weight – 330

Day 30 Weight – 319.2

Current Weight – 314.8
Period Weight Loss – 4.4 Pounds

Overall Weight Loss – 15.2 Pounds

4.4 pounds... A great recovery from the previous 10 days!  Though 0.6 pounds short of my goal, I'm absolutely thrilled that I was able to turn it around from the last weigh-in.  I have always been haunted by letting one bad week turn into several so I was determined to not let that happen this week.

What Went Well

1. Great Job sticking to my plan (calories, water, and exercise)
2. Did well finding opportunities to get some exercise in.  While I was reloading my PC (see my last post), I would jump on the elliptical trainer while software was loading.  I ended up with 53 minutes of exercise instead of just sitting in front of a PC while software was installing.
3. I DID NOT SMOKE! Last weekend was my first big test in terms of smoking cigarettes.  My best friend came to visit for the first time since I quit and we went out to a friend's house for a poker game.  He's a smoker and the two of us tend to be enablers for each other's bad habits.  Not only did I refrain from smoking, but I was also reasonable with the amount of food and beer I had at the poker game.  Definitely a good sign that my habits are changing!

Areas to Improve

1. I still need to be more active.  I reached my exercise goal, but I'm still doing the bare minimum.  I want to get more exercise, but more importantly, I want to be more active every day.  I still feel like I'm not moving around as much as I should be; I'm hoping the weather will improve soon so I can get outside more.

Moving Forward

No changes in daily calories or water consumption (both seem to be working fine).  No new adjustments to my plan.  Goals for this week (Next 10 Days):

1. I'm going to shoot for another 5 pounds.  I'm beginning to discover that I do better when I challenge myself to goals that are very hard to hit.
2. I want to make a conscious effort to be considerably more active over the next 10 days.  This is going to be tough for me as I have a lot going on at work right now and I am expecting to put in some long hours at the office next week.

I hope you all are enjoying a good weigh-in as well.  Thanks for all the support.  Stay Strong!

I'm Down... But Not Out!

I just wanted to drop this post in to let everyone know that I'm still around.  Shortly after I posted my Day 30 Results, I discovered that my PC had contracted the dreaded "Google Redirect Virus".  If you have ever had this problem on your PC (which is not actually a virus), you know that it can be very difficult to remove and also has the potential to open your PC up to other more nasty exploits.

After multiple days of trying to fix this problem, I finally decided the best course of action was to wipe my hard drive completely and reload my PC.  Currently I have completed my backups and have formatted the hard drive; tonight I will begin the reload process.

So my PC is down, but I'm here to say I'm not out!  In fact I am excited to see the results of these last 10 days.  Even though I haven't posted it yet, I have completed my failure analysis that led up to my poor weigh-in last period.  I could probably be exercising a little more as this computer problem is eating up my time, but I have done extremely well with my diet, water, and my mental state as well.  The entire time I've been fighting my PC, I've been telling myself that it's not a reason to give in to temptation and so far I've managed to stay strong.  Even though I could probably be exercising more, I have managed to squeeze it in as much as possible.  This is something I've struggled with in the past; I'm used to abandoning exercise altogether when I get too busy.  I'm considering it a small victory that I managed to get something in. 

I really think I have a good chance of hitting my short term goal of 5 pounds.  I will be weighing in on Friday morning, which is actually 1 day early.  My daughter's birthday is this weekend and we have a lot going on so I thought it best to just weigh-in on Friday instead of Saturday.   

Once I get my PC back up and running (hopefully this weekend) I'll be back to blogging.  For now, I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day.  Stay Strong!