Day #90 - A Brief Look Back (and Ahead)

I can't believe it's been 3 months since I started this journey!  I can still remember the first day thinking about how long a road I had laying in front of me.  Now here I am already one quarter of the way through.

Overall it's been a real good quarter.  I set out with my 3 goals; Quit Smoking, Stay Sober, and Lose 100 Pounds.  Here's how I've done so far...

From the smoking perspective, outstanding is the only word that I can think of to describe my performance.  On day 1 I literally just stopped smoking.  No nicotine patches or gum, I just quit cold turkey.  90 days later and I don't even think about smoking.  I am absolutely thrilled to have this monkey off my back!

Alcohol was a bit more of a struggle.  Without smoking to deal with stress in January I turned to drinking more alcohol on the weekends.  Originally I planned to give up alcohol in February, but weeks just kept going by and I just kept drinking until the next thing you know it was March.  I did finally get control though, and now it's been 21 consecutive days of sobriety.

The weight loss was the last focus.  Over the first couple months my weight was all over the place.  With so many changes going on in my body it's no wonder.  By March I really started to get control and so far I'm about 10 pounds down from where I started.

So a quick recap, in the first 90 days:

1. 100% Smoke Free
2. 21 consecutive days of sobriety
3. 10 pounds lost

OK so now what?  Simple, just keep pushing forward one day at a time.  I feel like my first 2 goals are kind of on autopilot now; I just need to watch out for those rare impulse moments that can cause you to temporarily lose your mind.  So now I want to shift my focus hard toward the weight loss.  I'm setting myself a mini goal for these next 90 days.  I'm currently at 338 pounds, so my 90 day goal is to get under 300 pounds.  That will not be easy, but it is definitely achievable if I put my mind to it. 

With my added focus on weight loss I think now is also the time to get back into working out.  Walking has been great, but it's time to step it up a notch, so I'm going to start thinking about some cardio as well as some strength training.

I went back and read my Day #1 post and I can still remember how I felt that day.  I remember how the not smoking had me simply exhausted and I can remember just getting home and crashing on the couch.  Fast forward to today and I'm not the same person.  I can't believe how far I've come in just 90 days.  I can feel the changes and my mood is better than it's been in years.  I truly am getting excited about what the future holds.  I'm on a roll and I don't want to stop!

But let's not get too far ahead of myself, this journey is still going to take one day at a time.  90 days are now in the books; On to day #91.

Stay Strong!

[Photo: Flickr / Alberto Otero García   ]

Day #68 - Slow Progress or Excuses?

I spent a good part of today asking myself if I really have changed.  Other than quitting smoking 2 months ago I haven't really made any progress with improving my health.  I'm sure some of you would say that's enough, but lately it feel more like I'm using that one bit of progress as a crutch.

The one thing it feels like I'm missing is consistency.  I do well eating but not so good exercising, then I'll start walking each day but I end up going out to eat more at lunchtime.  On and off it seems to go with no signs of more "good" days than bad.  It's almost like each change gives me an excuse to do poorly in another area.  That's not true change. 

This week has been a great example of more excuses.  I haven't eaten all that great this week, but my rationale is that I'm working hard each day and getting lots of exercise.  Since I don't want to do too much at once it becomes OK for me to eat poorly because my physical activity has increased.  Sounds crazy doesn't it?  It's like that whack-a-mole game; you hit one and another pops up.

I'm starting to think that my commitment to change is moving too slowly.  I don't want to overdo it and burn out with unsustainable change, but right now I think I've gone to the extreme in the other direction, almost to the point of not moving forward at all.

As my vacation comes to a close I still have more to ponder about my progress.  I think it might be time to step it up just a little bit.  On to Day #69.

Stay Strong!

Day #60 - 2 Months Down and More Snow

I can't believe I started this new journey 2 months ago!  Time flies when you're trying to be healthy.  It feels strange, in some ways it feels like I really just started.  I can't believe I've managed to post everyday as well, it definitely keeps me focused on my goals.

I'm thrilled that I made it 2 months without smoking.  Of all the unhealthy things I was doing, that was absolutely the worst.  I don't even think about smoking anymore; something would have to go terribly wrong for me to start again.  The drinking and the eating are coming along nicely, I have to keep telling myself (almost daily) that I can't fix it all at once and be perfect from the start.  I have good days and bad days, but definitely many more good than bad.  What really has me excited is that I've made it through my most depressing months.  As spring comes I will begin to feel even better and with some success at my back I will be unstoppable!

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Today we got about 8 inches of snow.  For the DC area that is a lot!  Half of the people at my work left early or didn't even bother to come in.  As the maintenance and facilities manager I took the opportunity to get a little exercise and help my team at the same time; I went out and helped shovel sidewalks twice.  I'm really feeling it now, my back and legs are sore, but it felt good to help and it always helps to show the guys I'm willing to pitch in when they need it.

Right now I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the fact that I've managed to keep pushing on for 2 straight months.  I'd like to start thinking about the next month as spring is coming, but as I've said so many times, I'm just taking it day by day.

Stay Strong!

Day #56 - The Time Has Come

I'm now 56 days into this journey.  I've done well and I've had setbacks.  I've managed to stay completely 100% smoke free for every one of those days.  The alcohol, well not quite as well, but I'm still trying.  I've posted on this blog every single day; something I thought wasn't all that important but has turned out to be highly therapeutic for me.  As for eating... well let's just say that I'm hanging on trying not to gain weight and go above 349 (my highest weight ever).

These first 55 days have also been about finding the mental fortitude.  I've spent a lot of time focusing on how I feel.  I've worked at shedding the guilt and learning to forgive myself for not being perfect.  I've also learned a few things... I've learned that although I can lean on others for support, I cannot rely on it nor can I blame others for not providing it (just because you need someone to support you, it doesn't mean they are capable of it when you need it).  I've also learned how to cool a hot temptation by distraction.  I've also created 2 visions of my future self; I've spent some time picturing myself 10 years from now if I don't change my ways and if I do.  When I have those hot temptations I try to pause and picture myself as the guy who didn't change.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Anyway, from the outside one would never know how much change I've gone through in 55 days.  Even my wife doesn't really see it, but I do, and that's really what matters.  It all stems from one simple commitment to make my health my number one priority for 1 year and to do it one day at a time.

So now I've started to crawl and I'm ready to take my first step walking.  I'm pulling all three of my goals together and putting complete focus on meeting them.  Just a quick recap of my goals:

1. Quit Smoking - Complete
2. Quit Drinking Alcohol - Work in Progress
3. Lose 100 Pounds - Not yet Started

To be honest, I feel like I'm a little behind for reaching all my goals.  I really didn't anticipate the mental part of this journey taking so long to work through and I truly thought that quitting drinking would be a piece of cake. 

This morning I got on the scale...

347.8 lbs

 

This is essentially where I started on January 5th.  That's actually OK with me.  I lost a little bit of weight in the beginning but I knew it would be hard to sustain while not smoking.  Smoking is a stimulant and most people gain weight as your metabolism slows a little when you stop smoking.

 

I briefly thought about changing my last goal to just getting under 300 this year.  100 pounds is probably not too realistic, but 47.8 pounds in the next 10 months is very reasonable.  However, If I change my goal, I will be doing what I've always done... I will be selling myself short before I even begin.

 

No, I'm keeping my goals as they are.  If I don't make it then I don't make it, but at least I'll give it my best effort.

 

So as of today, I'll be focusing on all three of my goals at the same time.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm going to start by just focusing on eating only healthy food and following a carb cycle regime.  No calorie counting and no exercise commitment yet (though I will try to move a little more).  Still no smoking and still no alcohol.  It won't be easy, but as always I'll just take it one day at a time.  Here we go...

 

Stay Strong!

 

 



Day #39 - Why Isn't it Ever Enough?

39 Days ago I quit smoking cold turkey.  In that same time I've managed to not gain any weight and have actually lost a few pounds.  I've even toned my drinking back as well and I can feel that I'm much more aware of how I feel both when it's good and bad.  So why isn't it enough for me?  Why do the voices keep coming back to tell me I'm not doing enough; that I haven't really changed? 

If you can't tell from the first paragraph I'm a little frustrated today.  My day started with the stress of hearing my wife and oldest daughter arguing before I even got out of the shower and the day just got more stressful as it went on.  It's these stressful days when the voices show up to tell me I'm a phony and that the change isn't real no matter how hard I try to "fool" myself that it is.

Maybe it's not real, maybe next week I'll stop blogging and just give up again like so many other times.  Maybe the voices are right.  But then again, maybe they are wrong.  Maybe I'm doing the best I can and that's just going to have to be good enough.  Maybe I'll find a way to deal with my stress.  Maybe I'll stick it out for these 360 days.

No insightful stories today, just some honest truth about the thoughts going through my head.  My kids are still fighting as I write and my wife is yelling at them as well, but I made it through the day without smoking, drinking, or going on a binge.  Screw you voices, I'll fight you again tomorrow on Day #40.

Stay Strong!

Day #30 - A Look Back at My First Month

Hard to believe I started this journey only 30 days ago.  Sometimes It feels like it's been a whole lot longer.  After all this is only the first of 12 months for this commitment; there's still a very long way to go.

If all I had done so far was manage to quit smoking, that would have been enough.  However, I've managed to quit smoking and lose about 5 pounds at the same time.  Given that most people gain weight when they quit smoking, I fell like this is a monumental victory!

In addition to quitting smoking and losing a little weight, I've also managed to put a lot of effort toward maintaining my mental fortitude. I believe I've truly begun to accept that my way of life is changing and that quitting this new path is no longer an option.  I am truly astonished that I had quite a few "rough" days and found myself picking myself right back up the next day and continuing on.  No guilt, no beating myself up; just acceptance of the situation.  This is definitely a different way of feeling than I have in the past.  I've seen some things in me that are scary, but I realize that I have to face them head on.  The fact that I'm even noticing this stuff is a victory in my book.

I also managed to keep my promise and post something every day.  I will be continuing with that trend as it really forces me to think about my health every single day.  I can't just "hide out" when I'm not doing well; I need to share both in good times and bad.

Could my month have been better?  Yeah, they can always be better.  I could have drank less alcohol for starters, and I'm certainly capable of losing more than 5 pounds in a month, but a person can only change so much so fast.  Ultimately I know that I did the best I could and that's good enough... It has to be good enough.

Anyway I feel like I'm starting to believe in myself (I don't fully believe yet).  This could very well be the year that I do that 180 and start heading in the right direction.  I've been waiting for the book "The Marshmallow Test" from the library and I just got it today.  It's a book about self control; I'll be sure to share what I learn.

30 Tough Days are gone in my Journey.  I'd love to say I'm looking forward to the next 330, but as I've said so many times I'm just focusing on one day at a time.  Bring it on Day #31.

-Stay Strong!

Day #10 - Right back at it

If Day #9 was less than perfect then Day #10 made up for it!  For starters I woke up in a great mood despite staying up later than I wanted last night.  My eating was right on and I got all my water in.  I even managed to get 2 miles in at the mall; something I haven't done since last Thursday.  All of this and still no smoking.

It's amazing what a difference one day can make.  I'm definitely starting to feel much better from the healthy eating and the withdrawal effects from quitting smoking are almost gone.  It's interesting, most people haven't realized that I've quit yet.  In past attempts everyone knew it because I was pretty much a jerk, but this time I've gone out of my way to not let no smoking be an excuse to act like an ass.  So far no problem though I've had to bite my tongue a couple times.

To be honest, If I didn't lose a single pound in the first month but managed to stay quit on the smoking, then I would be happy.  The fact that I've already lost weight (though not a guarantee that it won't come back) while I'm quitting is just a bonus.  I keep telling myself to remember that it's the long haul that I care about, not just a few pounds this week or that.

Day #10 come and gone, bring on Day #11.

-Stay Strong!