It ends today! No more wasted days for me. As I work to improve my health, first focusing on my mental state, then quitting smoking, and now starting to eat healthy and lose weight, I am starting to realize just how lazy I have become.
We moved to a new location in Virginia 2 months ago. Since we've been here, I've managed to do nothing. No pictures on the walls, no painting, no landscaping, nothing. The problem is that for quite some time now I haven't felt like doing anything. This isn't just at home either; I find myself doing the bare minimum at work (maybe even less) as well.
I know that I suffer from depression, and I know that I choose not to take any medication for it as I think our society has become too dependent on better living through chemistry. I deal with it because it's part of who I am. Besides, there's plenty of literature out there that suggests non-prescription means of dealing with depression can be just as effective.
I mentioned that we moved 2 months ago, but in reality I moved first in January. I took a job that was 3.5 hours away from my old home. During the week I stayed at a friend's house, then I would drive home to see the family on weekends. On the positive side, it gave me a lot of time to listen to a lot of audio books, some of which helped me to start my transformation, but I did it for six months so it took quite a bit out of me.
I'm not sure what happened to me in those six months, but ultimately I just stopped doing anything. During the week I would drink wine and watch TV every night; when I got home on the weekends I would just lounge around and hang out with the family while my depression grew.
If you've ever been depressed, you know that it's hard to break the momentum of doing nothing. Just like eating healthy or quitting smoking, you continue to say "tomorrow".
Well for me, tomorrow is here.
Starting tomorrow I'm going to give the day everything I have. No more laying around, no more half-assing it at work, no more wasting every day. I'm done, I can't lay around anymore!
Maybe it's the changes I've gone through over the last year, maybe it's all those audio books about positive psychology and being present in the moment. Maybe it's just because I've been eating really healthy for 2 weeks now. Whatever the reason, I feel compelled to pick myself up and get moving.
I know that somewhere along the way I lost my purpose, both in my career and my personal life. I know in my heart that the path to finding myself again starts with this focus on my health. Wish me luck, I take another step tomorrow.
I think eating healthy really helps. After less than a week I am feeling pretty good. Take tomorrow by the horns.
ReplyDeleteThanks Natalie, I actually rocked it today; did more at work than I probably have all the rest of the week! First Weigh-in tomorrow.
DeleteI have also found that making changes to my diet have increased my energy and I see more likely to want to do things. Seems like you are on the right track. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks Alati!
DeleteI find the better I am treating myself, the better I want to be in other aspects of my life too. There is something to be said about life exhaustion, though. You really can wear yourself out, and it sounds like you did. Maybe it is depression, but maybe it was about recovering too. So, which house project are you starting in on first? :)
ReplyDeleteAs a guy, my first priority is to get my garage all setup (I haven't even done that yet), but I think the first project will be in my youngest daughter's BR. Currently it is completely gold (Ceiling, Walls, Closet Doors, Trim, Air Registers, Outlets, and Outlet Covers) all the same color!
DeleteYou might be right about the exhaustion; I always just assumed depression.
GOLD? EW! Your poor daughter! LOL
DeleteAs for the life exhaustion, it's a real thing. I'm in the throes of it now, and as someone who has struggled with depression, it's a similar thing but it's NOT the same thing. It can, however, lead to it. Sometimes you just push yourself so hard, whether it's physically or mentally, or both, that you just hit a wall. Everyone needs to be allowed to recover, and if they don't realize that's what they need, they can make it worse by trying to push through. Recovery from the exhaustion is two parts I've found. 1) giving yourself a week or two off as best you can, and 2) life returning to some sort of normal rhythm that's been absent and you getting used to it again. The second part takes a lot longer to happen.
I think the trick in telling the difference between the two is that depression is "I don't want to do anything, everything is hopeless, I'm not going to do anything" and exhaustion is "I just can't do anymore, I don't have anything left. I would if I could!" If that makes sense?