I realized today there may be no turning back. I'm committed to this change and even if I wanted to give up I don't think I could do it easily. Over the last couple weeks I've been a on and off here and there. I've mentioned a couple times that I've been surprised how easily I was able to get right back at it after having a failure; something I've always struggled with. I've reached the realization that these momentary lapses in judgment recently are really more about fearing change and trying to hang on to my old habits.
Have you ever gone back to something only to find that you really can't go back to it? For me I think of it like my old college days. After about 5 years of being out of college I got together with a bunch of old college buddies. I remember how some of us were married, some had kids, some were still living at home, and some had actually gone back to school. Like most college buddies we tried to re-live some of those glory days, but we couldn't go back. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't the same anymore. I had responsibilities and a little more common sense as well.
I also remember that in addition to not being able to go back I also realized I didn't WANT to go back. I liked my life the way it evolved, the things I did in college were fun but they weren't appropriate for my adult life. I actually felt bad for one of my friends who was still living life like he was in college; refusing to change.
As I have become more aware of how I'm feeling lately it has become clear that the last few weeks really feel a lot like trying to re-live my unhealthy days. When I was younger, I sacrificed healthy living in favor of focusing more on my career and starting a family. It's not that I couldn't have been healthy while doing those things, it just wasn't a focus for me. Now that I'm in my 40's my career doesn't seem as important. My kids are still important, but they are quickly approaching those teen years and I want to be a good role model for them.
These last few failures have not been satisfying in any way. The junk food just didn't taste right; the alcohol didn't really help me relax, the lazy afternoon nap on the weekend left me unfulfilled. The change has happened to me and to be honest it probably happened some time ago and I just didn't realize it (or refused to accept it like my old college buddy). I'm a different person with different priorities and healthy living has become priority #1.
Day #36 was great day, but it's over. Time to look toward Day #37!
Stay Strong!
About Fogdog's Weight Loss
Don't Focus on the Goal...
If you've followed this blog you know that I've struggled for many years with improving my health. I've finally reached a point where I've managed to maintain a small amount of success. Now it's time to take the next step, but I believe it requires a new way of thinking.
If you've followed this blog you know that I've struggled for many years with improving my health. I've finally reached a point where I've managed to maintain a small amount of success. Now it's time to take the next step, but I believe it requires a new way of thinking.
Instead of trying to get healthy, why not shift focus toward learning how to build healthy habits instead. Follow me as I try to teach myself how to Engineer healthy habits that will allow me to take my health to the next level. Let's see where this experiment goes!
I like this.... I like this a lot man. I think that these are signs of true change rather than WOW change. Life seriously has showed me that I can do anything, I just have to hang on. I feel like that is what you did, and now the changes are no longer changes, they are norms. And the permission to fail and keep moving on for the rest of the trip is key. You could well have de-railed, but you did not. Great job FD.
ReplyDeleteWonderful! I'm rooting for your FG! I quit smoking last year and sometimes I can't believe I ever WAS a smoker...
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