My oldest daughter does gymnastics. I really don't care for it; I have a hard time with any sport that has subjective scoring, to me there should be a clear winner not a winner based on a judge's opinion. Regardless, my daughter loves it and so I support her. All season I haven't been able to go to her sessions because it conflicts with my other 2 kids' basketball practices, but I promised her that I would come to at least one session. Today was that day that I kept my promise...
I have to admit I was quite impressed, not just with my daughter's progress but also at how fit the girls looked. You could see muscle tone on all of them. They were flipping and flying and I really couldn't help but be in awe at watching them do things I couldn't even come close to doing. It got me wondering where I went wrong...
When I was a kid I played sports almost year round. I played hockey in the winter (my favorite), then on to baseball in the late spring/summer, and finally football in the fall. Even when I wasn't playing sports we were outside running around, swimming in the summertime, and riding bikes everywhere. I was husky as a kid but not fat (at least that's what mom told me). I was also very muscular and strong!
What's interesting is that I can't quite put a finger on any defining moment that sent me on the path to morbid obesity. My parents divorced when I was a teenager. It was rough, but I don't recall turning to Frito Lay for support. Being forced to move to another state just before my senior year in high school was also hard, but I adapted quickly. Again I don't remember turning to food for support (though I remember eating a lot of fried tater tots when I went home alone after school). Going away to college (both times), dropping out (the first time), Moving to NY, Moving to NC (A big adjustment!), kids, new jobs; I really can't point to any one of those events and say "That's It!".
No my trip to where I am today has been a long steady journey. Sure there have been a few ups and downs along the way but it's really been a consistent ride toward an early grave.
What's so amazing is how easy it was to not see it. Yes, I knew I was overweight and needed to get in shape, but it never really seemed all that bad and I always viewed it as one of those "one time deals" where I would just focus really hard for a while and it would all get fixed. Again, I was strong and the weight would just melt off (and there's actually some truth to that as I tend to lose weight easily when I set my mind to it). There was time to do it; I just needed to make the decision (after this last trip to McDonalds). Well, it never happened and now I sit here at 42 and realize that all my free tokens are used up.
There is no more "optional" in my book. When I think of continuing on as I have in the past, all I can see is a life of misery and an old fat guy riding around in one of those scooters because he can't walk anymore. Not a pretty sight.
Maybe I should go watch my daughter do gymnastics more often! 53 Days down, on to Day 54.
Stay Strong!
Showing posts with label morbidly obese. Show all posts
Showing posts with label morbidly obese. Show all posts
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Day #2 - A tough realization and a dose of reality
I never really thought of myself as one of those extremely
overweight people. I’ve been big my
whole life but I always managed to be able to do the things I wanted; my weight
didn’t really slow me down. I remember
when biggest loser came on and I made a comment to my wife about how big those
contestants were. She turned and said to
me (not in a mean way) “you’re almost as big as they are!” It was kind of surprising to hear that… I
never really saw myself as morbidly obese.
It might sound weird but I always just considered myself a little
overweight and I always believed I carried my weight well.
As I look back now I realize that it was more about me lying to myself so I wouldn’t have to admit that I had a problem. I refused to accept that I couldn’t lose weight, I refused to accept that my eating was out of control. I was only slightly overweight and all I needed was about 6 months of hard work to pull myself into shape. I could do it anytime because I had the mental fortitude to take on such a task and I was physically strong so I could keep my metabolism revved and lose the weight quickly.
I think I started to accept reality when I turned 40 (2 years ago). At close to 350 pounds I was morbidly obese. I could be any one of those contestants on “The Biggest Loser”. Over the last couple years I haven’t been able to do all the things I want. I’ve withdrawn more and more from life as I spend a lot of time hanging out on the couch watching TV. There have been some times in this past 2 years where I simply gave up and stopped trying to lose weight and stopped monitoring my progress.
This is my new reality… I could literally lose 150 pounds and still be at a healthy weight. My skin will never go all the way back. I don’t “carry” my weight well and there’s nothing special about me that makes me any better off than others of my size. I am morbidly obese!
Day 2 really had me thinking about just how big I am and how poor of shape I am in. I had another great day with my eating plan and with drinking water. Knowing that not smoking is taking a lot out of me I know that it would be extremely difficult to find the strength to exercise at the end of the day, so again today I went for a walk during my lunch hour. It snowed last night so walking outside wasn’t going to work, so I drove over to the mall and walked there.
It was a little uncomfortable for me to walk at the mall, but It was my only option. I walked 4 full laps around the mall which ended up being almost 3 miles in about 50 minutes! I’m proud that I walked again today even though it is what is reminding me about just how out of shape I am. After just 3 miles of walking my knees hurt, my back hurt, and my feet hurt. By the time I got back to my vehicle I could feel my fingers beginning to swell a little (not sure why).
By the time I got back to work I was beginning to feel stiff and sore everywhere… all from just a 3 mile walk at lunchtime. Indeed I still have a long way to go! Another plus, I was smoke free again today. All in all it was pretty good day. As predicted I was too wiped out when I got home to do anymore exercise so I’m glad I got it in during the day. I had to cook dinner so I made fajitas for the kids and then a fajita salad for me since I can’t have carbs today. Tomorrow is my first high carb day and I’m excited to have some fruit! 2 days in the books and 358 more to go!
-Stay Strong!
As I look back now I realize that it was more about me lying to myself so I wouldn’t have to admit that I had a problem. I refused to accept that I couldn’t lose weight, I refused to accept that my eating was out of control. I was only slightly overweight and all I needed was about 6 months of hard work to pull myself into shape. I could do it anytime because I had the mental fortitude to take on such a task and I was physically strong so I could keep my metabolism revved and lose the weight quickly.
I think I started to accept reality when I turned 40 (2 years ago). At close to 350 pounds I was morbidly obese. I could be any one of those contestants on “The Biggest Loser”. Over the last couple years I haven’t been able to do all the things I want. I’ve withdrawn more and more from life as I spend a lot of time hanging out on the couch watching TV. There have been some times in this past 2 years where I simply gave up and stopped trying to lose weight and stopped monitoring my progress.
This is my new reality… I could literally lose 150 pounds and still be at a healthy weight. My skin will never go all the way back. I don’t “carry” my weight well and there’s nothing special about me that makes me any better off than others of my size. I am morbidly obese!
Day 2 really had me thinking about just how big I am and how poor of shape I am in. I had another great day with my eating plan and with drinking water. Knowing that not smoking is taking a lot out of me I know that it would be extremely difficult to find the strength to exercise at the end of the day, so again today I went for a walk during my lunch hour. It snowed last night so walking outside wasn’t going to work, so I drove over to the mall and walked there.
It was a little uncomfortable for me to walk at the mall, but It was my only option. I walked 4 full laps around the mall which ended up being almost 3 miles in about 50 minutes! I’m proud that I walked again today even though it is what is reminding me about just how out of shape I am. After just 3 miles of walking my knees hurt, my back hurt, and my feet hurt. By the time I got back to my vehicle I could feel my fingers beginning to swell a little (not sure why).
By the time I got back to work I was beginning to feel stiff and sore everywhere… all from just a 3 mile walk at lunchtime. Indeed I still have a long way to go! Another plus, I was smoke free again today. All in all it was pretty good day. As predicted I was too wiped out when I got home to do anymore exercise so I’m glad I got it in during the day. I had to cook dinner so I made fajitas for the kids and then a fajita salad for me since I can’t have carbs today. Tomorrow is my first high carb day and I’m excited to have some fruit! 2 days in the books and 358 more to go!
-Stay Strong!
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