Day #113 - Fighting the Fiesta

Today the facility I work at had a Fiesta celebration for lunch.  Holy Crap Enough Already!  I can't believe it, it's like an endless calendar of work related celebrations.  In the last month there was a cookie celebration, an ice cream social, a breakfast recognition and now a Mexican Fiesta. 

When you are trying to stick to an eating regimen these events are hell. First you have the sights and smells.  That alone is enough to get your mouth watering.  Then you have the people passing by your office with plates of food talking about how good it is.  Great, why don't you just shove some in my mouth and force me to chew.  And then finally there's always at least one or two people that need to know why you aren't participating.  Then you have to explain to them that you brought your lunch and are trying to eat healthy only to get a puzzled look like "Why isn't this food healthy". 

The truth is, you or I could participate in these events if we only knew how to stop.  I could easily get 500 calories of healthy food and skip the dessert, but I don't have control to stop (and I know it).  So instead I have to avoid these things like the plague.

The great news is that I was successful today despite being exhausted (yes I still have considerable knee pain with no signs of improvement).  I ate the lunch Mrs. FogDog packed me and I got all my water in.  No exercise, but plenty of walking around as it was a very busy day.  After the meal there were tons of leftovers just sitting in the cafeteria.  Every time I walked by I thought about just grabbing one cookie.  It took all I had today to stay out of there.  Each time I reminded myself... no more excuses.

Today was a good step back on the path, I hope Day #114 is just as successful.

Stay Strong!

[Photo: Flickr / Horia Varlan]

Day #17 - A Trend to Deal With...Or Not

I've noticed a trend in my habits lately and I'm not yet sure what to make of it.  I'm doing well all day long.  I'm eating right, drinking lots of water, and trying to get some exercise during my lunch hour.  I've done a great job not losing my temper at work even though it seems I get tested daily.  I'm controlling it and the thought of smoking rarely enters my head anymore.

All is great... until about 4PM.  It seems like sometime around 4PM each day I lose all my motivation.  I stick it out for the rest of the workday and head home only to be ready to raid the fridge or talk the Mrs. into going out for dinner or biting my kids' heads off for no real reason.  Today was similar; great day until I got home and then we went out for Chinese.

What I'm trying to decide is this... Am I expecting too much of myself this early in my journey or am I making excuses to do bad things at the end of the day.  I've read before that we only have so much willpower each day, am I reaching my limits each day?  Or is that total bull that I am using to justify not sticking to my plan? 

To be honest, I'm a bit of a cynic and usually pretty tough on myself so my instinct tells me I'm just making excuses (and I probably am).  However, I'm trying to think about things differently and take an approach that's not my usual "Suck it up!" attitude.

As I thought through the dilemma it dawned on me that the answer here really doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter why; all that matters is that it happens.  If it's because I am running on empty at the end of the day, then all I can do is accept what I've done and try harder tomorrow.  Each day should get easier as long as I stay committed.  If I'm just making excuses, then all I can do is accept what I've done and try harder tomorrow. 

I guess my point is that there will be excuse days in my future and days when I just run out of willpower.  They will happen no matter how hard I try to not let them happen.  There's really no point in wasting energy trying to figure out why; keep that energy for tomorrow.  Day #17 in the books, Here's to a brad new Day #18!

Stay Strong! 

C'mon Lucky 7 and the Company Picnic

Stress is winning this week.  I finished week #6 with a very strong 8 pound loss, but I’ll need some serious luck to get out of week #7 without gaining weight.  My eating hasn’t been terrible, but I can actually feel the lack of progress...

Sunday was my unrestricted day and for the first time since I restarted, I felt a little out of control.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t go on a total binge and consume 4000+ calories, but I did overdo it at breakfast and Ice cream in the evening probably could have been avoided.  On the positive side, I recognize that I went a little overboard and I didn’t put myself on a guilt trip.  Sometimes we think that we are just going to change instantly, like flipping a light switch.  The reality is that doesn’t happen, and Sunday just reminded me that I still have a long way to go.

My job sucks right now; there’s no polite way to put it.  I took a position in a manufacturing facility that was recently acquired by my company.  There are only 3 of us from the corporation amongst a facility of people who are used to doing things a different way.  I took the job for the challenge, for the chance to build something from the ground up.  Someday I will be rewarded with a sense of accomplishment, but not this week.  This week I’m in the trenches fighting the good fight.

When I’m stressed I binge.  Early in the week I contained my bingeing to just a handful of pretzels in the evening with my green tea, or just a fiber bar.  Last night (Wednesday) I lost control; I ate a handful of pretzels and that didn’t cut it.  A fiber bar disappeared next along with a fruit filled Nutri-grain bar (might as well grab 2 while you’re in the pantry right!).  I finished all that off with a chocolate covered granola bar, all this food in the manner of 30 minutes.

So why did I fall apart yesterday?  Funny, but as I thought about it this morning I think it stemmed from my latest small victory… 

Yesterday was our company picnic.  From 12-4 in the afternoon we shut the facility down and went to a local park for food, music, and fun.  I have a lot of work to do right now as I’m in the process of rolling out some major changes in the facility, so I was not planning on attending.  I was told I had no choice (I could feel the stress building as I started to think about “forced fun”).  Since I’m trying to be mindful of what I’m eating I decided to just show up late.  I packed my normal lunch and ate before I went to the picnic. Further, I excused myself from the festivities at my normal snack time and went to my car to enjoy something healthy.  In fact, with the exception of a small celebratory piece of cake, I stuck to my eating plan and drank plenty of water throughout the entire picnic (small victory #21).   

However, I believe people only have a limited amount of willpower.  As I thought about my mini-binge (compared to my past), I came to the realization that yesterday my willpower simply ran out.  Walking past all that picnic food for several hours without indulging combined with the stress of my work simply pushed me over the edge.

I got up this morning and to my surprise I wasn’t depressed.  I didn’t feel guilty and I’m not ready to throw in the towel.  It was this realization that I did the best I could do under the circumstances that helped me to push forward.  There was nothing to modify, nothing to “fix”, I’m still learning and evolving and I will have failures.  I told my wife that I have 2 choices; call it quits for the rest of the week and let it all go to hell, or make my best effort to stick to my plan today and then again tomorrow before getting on the scale on Saturday morning.  I’ve tried the “Fall-off-the-wagon-so-might-as-well-roll-in-the-dirt-for-a-while” approach before, this time let’s try the “Stand-up-dust-yourself-off-and-get-back-on” approach.  Who cares what the scale will read on Saturday; just take it one day at a time.

Stay Strong!

 

.[Photo: Flickr / Jim]