Day #2 - A tough realization and a dose of reality

I never really thought of myself as one of those extremely overweight people.  I’ve been big my whole life but I always managed to be able to do the things I wanted; my weight didn’t really slow me down.  I remember when biggest loser came on and I made a comment to my wife about how big those contestants were.  She turned and said to me (not in a mean way) “you’re almost as big as they are!”  It was kind of surprising to hear that… I never really saw myself as morbidly obese.  It might sound weird but I always just considered myself a little overweight and I always believed I carried my weight well.

As I look back now I realize that it was more about me lying to myself so I wouldn’t have to admit that I had a problem.  I refused to accept that I couldn’t lose weight, I refused to accept that my eating was out of control.  I was only slightly overweight and all I needed was about 6 months of hard work to pull myself into shape.  I could do it anytime because I had the mental fortitude to take on such a task and I was physically strong so I could keep my metabolism revved and lose the weight quickly.

I think I started to accept reality when I turned 40 (2 years ago).  At close to 350 pounds I was morbidly obese.  I could be any one of those contestants on “The Biggest Loser”.  Over the last couple years I haven’t been able to do all the things I want.  I’ve withdrawn more and more from life as I spend a lot of time hanging out on the couch watching TV.  There have been some times in this past 2 years where I simply gave up and stopped trying to lose weight and stopped monitoring my progress.

This is my new reality… I could literally lose 150 pounds and still be at a healthy weight.  My skin will never go all the way back.  I don’t “carry” my weight well and there’s nothing special about me that makes me any better off than others of my size.  I am morbidly obese!

Day 2 really had me thinking about just how big I am and how poor of shape I am in.  I had another great day with my eating plan and with drinking water.  Knowing that not smoking is taking a lot out of me I know that it would be extremely difficult to find the strength to exercise at the end of the day, so again today I went for a walk during my lunch hour.  It snowed last night so walking outside wasn’t going to work, so I drove over to the mall and walked there.

It was a little uncomfortable for me to walk at the mall, but It was my only option.  I walked 4 full laps around the mall which ended up being almost 3 miles in about 50 minutes!  I’m proud that I walked again today even though it is what is reminding me about just how out of shape I am.  After just 3 miles of walking my knees hurt, my back hurt, and my feet hurt.  By the time I got back to my vehicle I could feel my fingers beginning to swell a little (not sure why).

By the time I got back to work I was beginning to feel stiff and sore everywhere… all from just a 3 mile walk at lunchtime.  Indeed I still have a long way to go!  Another plus, I was smoke free again today.  All in all it was pretty good day.  As predicted I was too wiped out when I got home to do anymore exercise so I’m glad I got it in during the day.  I had to cook dinner so I made fajitas for the kids and then a fajita salad for me since I can’t have carbs today.  Tomorrow is my first high carb day and I’m excited to have some fruit!  2 days in the books and 358 more to go!

-Stay Strong!